Photography via VOA News (Public Domain)
The 47 letter writers, otherwise known as virtually all the Republicans in the Senate, have put pen to paper again.
Led once more by self-proclaimed international law expert Tom Cotton, the Senators have written to the Queen of England to express their profound displeasure at not being consulted about the new royal baby name.
Their latest missive was delivered to Buckingham Palace today and stated the following:
Dear Queen Elizabeth II, or if you prefer, dear Supreme Ruler of Great Britain,
It has come to our attention through leading diplomatic sources — People Magazine, The National Enquirer and The New York Post — that Her Royal Highness, Kate the Duchess of God-Knows-Where, has given birth to a child and named it Charlotte, Elizabeth, Diana without our permission.
We Americans would have undoubtedly chosen Jolene, Mary Lou or Tammy Fay. Thus, we consider the names that you have picked to be nuclear options and reflective of the growing proliferation in your country of names that are too British-sounding, to say the least.
This is unacceptable to us and may fundamentally undermine diplomatic relations between our two great nations. (Well we’re great. You however, are not, despite the fact that you still use the word “Great” in your country’s name.)
We are therefore writing to remind you that as you are a signatory of the North Atlantic Treaty Alliance — the entente that established NATO just in case you didn’t know — you will have to obtain agreement from the US Government before this baby’s name becomes official.
And although you may be tempted to deal with our lame duck and chicken-livered President, Barack Obama, on this matter, please be advised that Congress alone has the power to approve royal baby names! Which means dear Madam, you are going to have to negotiate with us!
So given our declared opposition to your chosen names, we would urge you to submit alternatives for our consideration. If Jolene, Mary Lou or Tammy Fay do not pass royal muster, we are prepared, in the interests of diplomacy, to consider Billie Jo, Peggy Sue, or Trixie Bell. At a push, we might even be persuaded to approve Chardonnay.
We hope this clarifies our position with regard to the royal baby name and we look forward to hearing from you forthwith.
As news of the letter to the Queen reverberated around Washington D.C., and outrage about it increased, 46 of the 47 Republican Senators who signed it ran for cover, leaving Tom Cotton holding the bag — or as Brits like to say, holding the baby.
Cotton, in a desperate attempt to avoid an international incident, said: “OK, OK, Chardonnay might be a name too far. Trixie Bell it is then! I will introduce a bill to that effect tomorrow and I expect it to be passed quickly by my colleagues in the House and the Senate.”
In a statement released by Buckingham Palace, the Queen also made her views known on the letter from the 47. She said: I would like to thank the 47 Republican Senators for sharing their thoughts with me on this matter. And I would particularly like to thank their ancestors for the American Declaration of Independence.”
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