Catch up on IGN’s weekly PlayStation show with our discussion of the latest PS5 rumors.
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Catch up on IGN’s weekly PlayStation show with our discussion of the latest PS5 rumors.
SHOPPING DISCOUNT UPDATE:
The Cooper Cases Enterprise is a sleek looking add-on keyboard offered to improve your typing work performance on Bluetooth-enabled devices such as tablets, phones, smart TVs, gaming stations, etc. This accessory is compatible with Android, Windows and iOS systems and instantly pairs via Bluetooth connectivity that provides a working distance up to 10 meters (33 feet) so you can find comfortable positions to work. Additionally, the cambered stainless steel baseboard design raises the keyboard at low 5-degree angle to create a more ergonomic typing position to avoid wrist strain. The Enterprise is constructed out of premium hard plastic and steel metal materials, giving it a nice solid, sturdy feel for long-lasting use. Its ultra-slim and lightweight design is also travel-friendly, fitting easy inside most bags, backpacks, etc. The main feature, a English QWERTY keyboard, features 78 scissor-switch keys including a set of special shortcut keys that’ll support some of your device’s functions. Also, the steel baseboard includes four rubberized pads built-in to help keep the accessory grounded on smooth, flat surfaces while you work.
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Many couples come into counseling saying that they have realized they are just not compatible. One or both partners, but usually the woman, says that these areas of incompatibility are making the relationship hopeless. However, from my experience, there are usually not too many dealbreaker areas of incompatibility in a marriage. But there are some. Here are the five areas of incompatibility that can weaken your relationship. If you’re currently single or dating, this is an important post for you too, as you can be sure to assess your relationship in terms of compatibility in these domains before choosing to marry or have children with a partner.
1. Attitudes about gender roles
This is a very important one. It can be very difficult to move forward if, for example, a man thinks that a woman’s “job” is to be a wife and mother, and that his role is to be a breadwinner, and his wife wants to work full time outside the home. Often, women will say, “He just wants a woman like his mom, and I never thought that was the case when we were dating.” Just as frequently, men say, “I thought she wanted to keep working, but it seems she expects me to support her while she stays home with the kids. I didn’t have any idea she wanted that.” Often, couples do not explicitly discuss what each partner thinks about gender roles prior to marriage (particularly as they apply to division of labor when parenting), so each partner feels hoodwinked and disappointed.
Usually, each partner’s attitude about gender roles stems from early childhood experiences and observations of their own parents. If compatibility or compromise is to be reached on these issues, it often requires insight-oriented therapy to examine assumptions about gender, including where they came from and how they are currently hurting or helping your relationship.
2. The importance of sex
Note that I don’t say “equal sex drives,” because, especially in long-term monogamy, and double especially after kids, men usually have much higher sex drives than their wives. However, couples that really struggle have one partner who just doesn’t think that sex is a big deal, and one who thinks it’s essential for closeness. In two marriages where the wife’s libido is next to nil, the one where this fact bothers the wife will be much happier than the one where the wife is not at all concerned. Check these guys’ stories out for validation of this.
If you are the partner with the lower sex drive, the least helpful thing you can say is, “It’s just sex! It’s not a big deal!” And if you’re the partner with the higher sex drive, the least helpful thing to say is, “Without sex, we’re like roommates.” Both of these statements invalidate the other person’s entire worldview. Empathy and validation are key in coming to an understanding in this arena.
3. The importance of romance
Just like how women are more sexual at the beginning of a relationship, men are often more romantic. This is all biology and makes sense evolutionarily; the man is wooing the woman and the woman is enticing the male, both with the biological imperative to breed with the other (and the woman’s imperative is to keep the male around for a couple of years afterwards, to help her raise a baby). But when one partner, whom I will call “the man” because, let’s face it’s, it’s often the man, decides that romance is silly once you’re already married, this can come as a tremendous blow to the other partner, who still yearns for this type of connection.
As I discuss above, the issue isn’t so much with couples where the husband isn’t romantic “enough,” it’s when he condescends to the very idea of being romantic or complimentary, and thinks that it is silly for his wife to “need” this. Often, these types of men were raised in families without a lot of emotional expression, so they are not necessarily “good” at romance. Instead of trying, and possibly coming off foolish, they deny that romance is important or meaningful. And instead of realizing that their husbands may just be trying to save face in an arena where they know they may fail, wives often believe that their husbands are just “cold” or incapable of intimacy.
If this describes your relationship, it is often very helpful to have a discussion about romance and the role, if any, that it played in your life growing up. Did you see any romance at home? Did you yearn for it? Was it mocked by one or both of your parents or your culture as a whole? These types of conversations can be a great jumping off point for couples to be able to see one another’s perspective about this sensitive issue.
4. The role of extended family
When you have a husband who calls his mom for childrearing advice every day and a wife who prefers to be independent and does not ask her family for much, there can be a great deal of conflict. This also extends to areas where one partner feels “obligated” to her family in various regards (whether it’s weekly dinners, daily phone calls, vacations together) and the other feels that decisions should be made primarily as they impact the nuclear family. Sometimes, one person has not individuated much from their family of origin, and this can be frustrating for the other partner, who feels they have married a child and not an adult.
This type of conflict can become even worse when one partner’s family starts criticizing the other partner, either outright or passive-aggressively, and this person does not defend the partner. In-law “drama” can sometimes be the death-knell of a relationship, particularly when it is extensive and one partner feels that the other does not understand the severity of the problem.
Both individuals who are enmeshed with their families of origin and those who want a great deal of distance likely have unresolved childhood issues. These issues emerge at a subconscious level, and are likely informing their attitudes toward the current involvement of extended family in their lives. Family issues can be very sensitive, hot-button topics, and can benefit from introspection and counseling targeted toward helping a person see the impact of their behavior on their relationship.
If one partner is anxious without a cushion of savings and the other is an impulsive spender, this can lead to an extremely conflictual relationship. One partner feels stifled and the other feels terrified. This sort of imbalance can really become toxic if one partner feels financially dependent on the other, such as if a mother takes off work for a few years to stay home with her kids. Then, any differences in how the partners choose to spend money will become highlighted and can lead to tremendous hostility. Just as in the other areas, the way that you were raised greatly impacts your views about money and how to spend it. Conversations about the role of money in your upbringings, and attempts to use empathy and validation in your discussions, can make this area easier to talk about.
Now, even if you are incompatible in one or more of these areas, it does not mean that your entire relationship is doomed. Counseling can often help partners clarify their needs and goals in relationships, and one or both may be able to become more flexible with introspection and effort. Never lose hope! Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist That Says “Incompatibility” is Usually Not The Main Issue, It’s When Partners Aren’t Willing To Change.
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Life in the Boomer Lane has written numerous brilliant, profound, and downright side-splitting posts. But no matter how many seriously valuable topics she attempts to cover, from cats who want to kill you to big butts, there are three topics that remain permanently on her Biggest Hits List. They are:
1. The Universal Hot/Crazy Matrix: A Man’s Guide to Women
2. The Myth of older Men Wanting Younger Women
3. The Link Between Physical Attractiveness and Relationship Success
For this reason, she has decided to combine all three into one end-of-year post that will give readers a veritable climax of blog reading: We will discuss information about women that men can use, the older man/younger women dynamic, and what determines relationship success.
Every time she writes a post about older men and younger women, she receives a lot of well-considered responses from men, to the tune of “BLAH BLAH BLAH We don’t care what you write because REAL MEN only want young babes because they are hot and MY GIRLFRIEND/WIFE is 30 years YOUNGER than me and we have a deep and meaningful relationship in which we spend all of our time in bed, while she does acrobatic tricks and I try not to have a heart attack.”
OK, then. So the following is clearly not for you. You may bypass this post and go back to either your perfect relationship or searching for dates on postadolescentmatch.com. LBL will not attempt to prove that men prefer younger women. She concedes that, in a perfect fantasy world, most men probably do prefer younger women. She will, instead, show that actual relationship success is determined by partners being age-compatible.
Now, let’s get to it: A recent study by Emory University polled data compiled from 3000 married and recently divorced couples. Various indices were used to predict relationship success. One of them was the age gap between partners. A one-year discrepancy in a couple’s ages, the study found, makes them 3 percent more likely to divorce (when compared to their same-aged counterparts); a 5-year difference, however, makes them 18 percent more likely to split up. And a 10-year difference makes them 39 percent more likely. Once you enter large-gap territory, the 20-year difference and the 30-year difference, the odds of divorce are huge.
Let us now rephrase this and put it in bold: The wider the age gap of partners, the lower their chances are of relationship success.
Differences in ages also mean differences in life experience and cultural reference points. Generations may be an invention, but they are meaningful nonetheless. With all the strikes against long-lasting marriages nowadays, at least marrying someone age-compatible gives one a better shot at marital longevity. Note to men whose wives are way younger: LBL suspects she already knows what you are going to say. So you can save your energy for other, more fun, activities.