Love Island, Bachelor in Paradise and the Art of the Trashy Dating Show

Love Island LogoA golden age of trashy dating shows is currently upon us, and you might not have even noticed.
Even through scandals and extremely questionable behavior both onscreen and behind the…

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Dating apps: Tinder, Chappy and Bumble ‘least preferred’ way to meet people

A Newsbeat survey suggests dating apps are the least preferred way to meet someone new.
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Riverdale’s Camila Mendes Talks Dating Her Non-Actor Boyfriend

Camila Mendes, Victor HoustonWhen it comes to her dating life, Camila Mendes is keeping her eyes outside of Hollywood.
The Riverdale star recently took her new romance with Victor Houston public. As a source…

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Can This Exclusive Dating App Install a Wondrous Utopia While Also Helping Celebrities Hook Up?

The founder of Raya is stepping forward for the first time. Next up for Daniel Gendelman? Making our society more ideal.
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5 Seconds of Summer on dating, lies and gun control

The pop band tackle a series of random questions based on their latest album, Youngblood.
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What To Do If You Find Out The Person You’re Dating Is Deep In Debt

Debt doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker.
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‘The Late Show’ Shoots Facebook’s Upcoming Dating Service Down In Flames

Ouch.
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Facebook takes on Tinder with new dating service

Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg has announced that the social network is to get its own dating service.
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Trevor Noah Breaks Down The Major Flaw With Facebook’s New Dating Feature

“Yeah, Facebook really has its finger on the pulse.”
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10 Signs You Might Be Dating A Sociopath

“They’re not always so easy to recognize. They can appear to be the guy next door.”
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Craigslist drops dating ads after new law

The site said keeping its “personals” section open in the US was too much of a risk.
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Valentine’s Day Gifts to Give If You Just Started Dating

Vday Gifts If You Just Started Dating So you just started dating your crush a week ago. Should you or shouldn’t you make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day? It’s a question that never gets old, but it’s also an answer…

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Valentine’s Day Gifts to Give If You Just Started Dating

Vday Gifts If You Just Started Dating So you just started dating your crush a week ago. Should you or shouldn’t you make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day? It’s a question that never gets old, but it’s also an answer…

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Dating website eHarmony’s ‘scientific’ match ad banned

The claim from eHarmony has been called ‘misleading’ by the Advertising Standards Authority.
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Nia Jax Gives Speed Dating a Shot!

The WWE Superstar is single and ready to mingle–but these guys are awkward! See the cringe-worthy moment on "Total Divas"
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Instagram Is Now a Dating Platform, Too. Here’s How to Navigate It.

Show the love with likes and comments. Get intimate in private chat. Find out who‘s checking up on you.
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Jennifer Lawrence Talks Passengers Reaction, Dating Darren Aronofsky and the Movie She’s Making With Amy Schumer

VOGUE, September Issue, Jennifer LawrenceJennifer Lawrence covered it all.
As Vogue’s September 2017 cover girl, the Oscar winner sat down with the magazine to dish on life so far–and it seems no subject was off limits….

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Dorothy, Chad & Ronnie Reveal Their Dating Flaws

"Famously Single" stars Dorothy Wang, Chad Johnson & Ronnie Magro-Ortiz spill on where they each go wrong when dating. Hear their hilarious answers!
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Have We Become An Angry Dating Culture?

I’m seeing a really disturbing trend out there.

I want you to take this time right now to read every single word that I’m writing.

I don’t want you to glance through this article, because if you’re single, this is by far the most important thing you've ever read in your life.

I’m going to start off with this:

How frustrated are you now in your dating life?

If you can write that down right now, write the one word that describes how you feel in your dating life right now.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve noticed a really disturbing trend when it comes down to dating.

The word that we used to have a long time ago, before the flood of Internet dating sites and dating apps and social media validation.

And all these ridiculous ways to get lost in cyber world.

The word that people used to use in dating was a magical word, it was called hope.

People got excited about finding a new mate.

People got excited about finding a new partner.

People went out and actually talked to one another.

If you’re a woman reading this article right now, I want you to think, when was the last time a man came over and approached you and flirted with you?

If you’re a man reading this, I want you to think, when was the last time you actually walked over and actually took a dare and flirted with a woman?

I want you to also ask yourself this question: when you're out in public, how often do you look at your cell phone?

Everybody is angry right now because everybody is escaping.

We’ve become a dating culture – especially in the western world – of people who are swiping and hoping that they’ll stumble across the right photo, the right picture, the perfect person.

Dating has become a paradoxic choice. It’s almost like shopping on Amazon.com for stereo equipment.

You take a look, you read the reviews and you see if – after reading reviews from random strangers – this is the perfect thing for you. And don’t even get me started on how dating is only a review away. Pretty soon there’s going to be a review site, a major one, a major breakthrough where people will post about their exes, and then you’re going to find out the truth about everybody and the next thing you know, it’s going to feed this dating anger even more.

Let’s even get more honest with today. When was the last time you went out on a date with somebody and didn’t Google them ahead of time so you can have a preconceived story about what you think they are due to somebody else’s opinion of them on Google?

Or maybe an article they wrote because well, in today’s neurotic world, we can go deeper and deeper into the void.

It used to be this magical moment: boy meets girl.

Boy asks girl out, actually calls her on a thing called the telephone, not a texting device. Your iPhone is a phone, people, not an iText.

There would be this anticipation. There would be nerves.

At the end of the date, you’d wonder if you liked each other, you’d do a post-date re-cap with your friends and you’d give that person another chance.

Now, there’s no post-date re-cap anymore. It’s either a yes or a no immediately. You don’t think about it because when you do. You go back into the illusional, delusional world of swipe dating.

Because we always know there’s going to be something better, because that’s the way we’ve been programmed.

And this is why people are so frustrated. People are frustrated and angry. Women are angrier than ever before.

I know this factually. I’ve been coaching women for a long time and as the years go by, women get more and more angry.

They feel like they are running out of time.

I'm in my 30's, when am I going to have my children, when am I going to meet that guy?

I'm in my 40's, I haven't met him yet. When am I going to find the man that I'm supposed to marry and live happily ever after.

I'm in my 50's and I'm running out of time. I'm not going to be pretty for a long time and all men want is younger women.

It just goes on and on and on. Women have this accelerator down they feel like they have no time left in the world, that they are just aging at 100 miles per hour and they get angry and pissed off that nobody is seeing their beauty, so they are forced to date the men they don’t want to date.

People are angry out there.

If you ask people how they feel about dating, most people will say they hate it.

To me, I’d ask why do you hate dating? It’s an opportunity to meet someone you’ve never met before. It’s so amazing because it gives you an opportunity to have the relationship you’ve never had.

If you’re not open, how do you expect to even meet somebody? And yet, we do all of these ridiculous things, pretending we’re open.

Swiping. Social media posting. We have this illusion of a social life. No wonder people hate dating, because we’re not getting anywhere!

We’re like bald snow tires in a snow storm. We just spin and spin and spin and get nowhere, and then when we finally do find somebody…

We try to hit the accelerator button down and try to get to a relationship as quickly as possible so we can avoid the thing that we truly hate: dating.

Folks, you’ve got to lose the anger to find love. Period. End of story. End of rant.

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5 Dating Fears Everyone Has

As a dating mentor, I often hear from singles about the painful side of dating; the fears, the insecurities and the nagging voice inside each one of us that says, “You’re not good enough.” There are external fears that may have developed over the years. Maybe your mother, friend, matchmaker or random neighbor kept trying to set you up unsuccessfully and then blaming you when it didn’t work out. Your greatest fears may also come from within – your inner critic. “You aren’t doing what you should be doing, trying hard enough, or praying with enough intent. Otherwise, obviously, you would be married by now.”

Dating fears are normal and so are you! Let’s talk about some of the most common dating fears, and what you can do about them – starting now.

1. I’m never going to get married.

This fear hurts. It is the core of all the other fears. It has crossed the mind of virtually every person who has ever been hurt in the dating process. If you are like most singles, you aren’t married because you haven’t yet identified the right one. I’m confident you’ve been keeping your eyes open. While you may have had an expectation of when you wanted to get married, God has the master timeline. I don’t pretend to have an answer as to why you are not married yet. I can’t predict the future. What I do know is that God specifically prepares a match for each soul.

If you have the fear that you’ll never get married you’re in good company. Having not yet met the right one is pretty common these days. However, just because you haven’t met the right one doesn’t mean you won’t meet him or her and get married. Being single is your current situation, not your destiny. Now is the time to work on loving yourself. You are getting married, and you’ll need self-love and love-of-other to keep you married.

2. What if I have to settle?

Let’s define “settle.” Many singles think of settling as defeat or a concession to mediocrity. But settling can also mean adjusting your list of “absolute musts” that Mr. or Mrs. Right requires in order to merit consideration. Look at your list. Is it time to update or reprioritize? Certain qualities, like kindness, respect and loyalty, should never be considered unimportant. I am talking about the other bullet points, such as “well-traveled,” “has a PhD,” “wealthy,” “6’2” or “snappy dresser”… Just take a look. Settling may not mean what you think it means.

3. I’m not attractive/thin/wealthy/young/(insert your favorite self-criticism) enough.

God did not make you the way you were by accident. We know that God has an Ultimate Plan and that it is for the good. You were born at exactly the right moment, to precisely the right parents and unique circumstances to allow you to become the inimitable person reading this article. You are not only enough; you are just the way you are supposed to be in this moment. This doesn’t release you from the obligation to continue becoming who you need to be. Growth is good, but so is self-acceptance!

4. No one wants me.

Sit down in a quiet place and make a list of all the positive qualities, talents and skills that you have. Leave nothing out, big or small. Read this list twice daily, morning and evening, for a week. (Trust me and do this. It really makes a difference!) I hope you will realize that just as you have family and friends who love you and want to be around you, so too you will have a spouse who wants and loves you.

5. There must be something wrong with me.

Maybe there is something wrong, maybe not. Now is the time for some honest soul searching. Is there a negative character trait or two that you have always wanted to get rid of? If so, this may be the right time to do some spiritual housecleaning to make you into a better version of yourself.

We will never be perfect beings; we were created imperfect intentionally. So yes, there is something wrong with you, and with me too! You don’t have to be perfect to be married; you just need to be working on perfecting yourself. Those who are faced with a physical handicap, an emotional disorder or are a carrier of genetic disease face another hurdle: Realizing that what you have doesn’t define you. You are every bit as worthy!

Pay attention and notice what tales your inner storyteller is spinning. This is the same voice that tells you not to bother asking for that promotion because you won’t get it anyway, the same one that instructs you not to even try to reach your dreams. It is unlikely you would ever say these things to anyone else, yet you speak to yourself this way!

Where there is darkness, insert light. Fear and depression come to fill a hole inside us. Instead of fears, fill that hole with kindness and laughter. Fear overwhelms us when we neglect to appreciate the beauty in our lives. It’s true, you cannot control where, when and how you will meet the right one. You can, however, control how you spend your time until you meet your soul mate.

Live now. Be present. Be joyous. Be nice to yourself. Be the best version of yourself.

What have you found works to banish your fears? Comment below.

Originally published here, on aish.com.

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‘Bachelorette’ Contestant Criticized For Transphobic Reply To Dating Questionnaire

The Bachelorette” doesn’t officially kick off its 13th season until Monday night, but one of the 31 men vying for Rachel Lindsay’s love has already started off on the wrong foot.

ABC posted contestants’ bios to its website this week, and Bryce, a 30-year-old firefighter, has been criticized for how he responded to a certain question: What’s your biggest date fear?” 

“The chick is actually a dude,” Bryce responded, per The Wrap

The contestant invited swift backlash from the LGBTQ community, including comments from “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” alum Sharon Needles and transgender actress Jen Richards. 

ABC provided The Wrap with a statement denouncing Bryce’s answer. “This comment does not reflect the views of ABC, Warner Horizon or bachelorette Rachel Lindsay,” a representative stated. The network promptly removed the line from its website.

As Refinery29 points out, Bryce wasn’t the only contestant to display uninformed views about transgender people. Lucas, a man who lists his occupation as “whaboom,” stated that if he could have lunch with any one person, dead or alive, he’d choose Bruce Jenner (”dead”) and Caitlyn Jenner (”alive”). 

“Would be a very interesting convo,” Lucas said.

“Lucas is fetishizing the experience of a trans woman,” Refinery29’s R.A. Farley wrote. “I’d like to think that Lucas wants to talk to Caitlyn Jenner in an effort to understand the trans experience. But I can’t help but think that’s not the case.”

Those missteps aside, Season 13 of “The Bachelorette” has been praised for being the series’ most progressive yet, with a black bachelorette and a more diverse set of contestants than ever before. The series returns to ABC Monday at 9 p.m. ET.

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What Happens at The Abbey’s Cory Zwierzynski and Murray Swanby Discuss the Drama That Comes With Dating a Co-Worker

What Happens at The Abbey 101, Cory, MurrayIt’s not always easy mixing business and pleasure.
What Happens at The Abbey co-stars and couple Cory Zwierzynski and Murray Swanby know what that’s like and chatted with E!…

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Dating After Your Spouse Dies Is The Third Rail Of Grieving

Ten months after Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg’s husband died, media reports revealed she had jumped into the deep end of the dating pool and was seeing Bobby Kotick, an old friend and tech billionaire. The world’s reaction to this news was fairly predictable: She was judged and slut-shamed on Facebook in crude language.

In the minds of many, the newly widowed shouldn’t date “too soon,” although no one has actually determined when “too soon” is. Is it a year? Is it when the kids leave for college? It’s a topic complicated enough that it is even discussed on dating sites

Sandberg addresses the issue in her new book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. The book, co-written with Wharton School psychologist Adam Grant, is set for release April 24 and hopes to encourage resilience among those who struggle with all kinds of adversity. Given her personal experience, grief in widowhood was the clear impetus for the book as well as the source of the title.

Shortly after her 47-year-old husband Dave Goldberg died from an undiagnosed heart condition, a friend proposed that someone else in their circle fill in at a father-child event at her kids’ school. “I want Dave,” Sandberg protested in tears. “I want Option A.” Her friend replied: “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the s**t out of Option B.”

Option B, as defined by Sandberg, is where you look when Option A is no longer available to you, and it extends to all situations, including finding romance. 

“I think I’m helping people remember that dating, for those who want to do it, is part of moving forward, and it is Option B. If I could, I would only date Dave. I made that choice. I just had that taken away from me,” she said. 

As Sandberg told The Guardian, “I’m hoping that this book helps people stop judging people who date [after the loss of a partner], particularly women, because women get judged much more harshly. Men date sooner, men date more, and women get judged more. And, you know, obviously that’s super unfair.”

There’s no “right” time to begin dating

When to begin dating after you’ve lost your spouse is a highly personal decision, said Christine Sefein, the clinical director of adult programs at Our House Grief Support Center. You might even rephrase that to ask “if” instead of “when.” Sefein told HuffPost that some widowed people begin dating while they are still attending a grief group, while others can’t imagine being with someone else even years later.

Sandberg hasn’t talked publicly about how she and Kotick shifted gears in their friendship to become a romantic couple. The New York Post’s Page Six claims credit for first revealing in March 2016 that the two were dating. The were spotted together at an Oscars party and then photographed as they left Kotick’s Los Angeles home and got into a private jet.

Don’t look for science here either

There is a dearth of research on the subject of how long people wait to date after becoming widowed, so it’s very hard to determine what’s standard. But one study from a decade ago offers some clues that could be relevant: In 1996, the San Diego Widowhood Project studied 249 widows and 101 widowers who were asked to complete detailed questionnaires at intervals after their spouses’ deaths. By 25 months, 61 percent of men and 19 percent of women were either remarried or involved in a new romance. Women expressed more negative feelings about forming new romantic relationships, perhaps unsurprisingly given the numbers. Youth was a predictor of becoming involved in a new romance for women, and higher monthly income and level of education were predictors for men. 

Anecdotally speaking, Sefein said, there is no “most appropriate time” to begin dating after the loss of a mate. And yes, people will be judgmental. “They are even judgmental about people who get rid of their loved one’s clothes too soon ― or, conversely, even when they hang on to those clothes for too long,” she told The Huffington Post.

Author Carole Brody Fleet, who wrote about her own widowhood and remarriage, speaks of those who criticize the move, asking, “Should I have stayed inside the house in my pajamas and kept the blinds closed forever?” Don’t equate remarriage with forgetting, she said.

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Is Katy Perry really dating Ryan Phillippe?

Singer Katy Perry and actor Ryan Phillippe have used their Twitter accounts to laugh off dating rumours.
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Are Naya Rivera and David Spade Dating?

Oh em GleeNaya Rivera and David Spade are reportedly romantically involved, according to several outlets.

Rivera, 30, and Spade, 52, were photographed getting cozy in a pool at the Halekulani Hotel pool in Waikiki, Hawaii, Entertainment Tonight reported — while Sade and comedian pals Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider were in town for a stop on their Here Comes the Funny Tour on Friday.

A source told ET that two shared a kiss but kept it discreet, giggling and hugging occasionally. “The pair went for a short swim, hugged and had lots of body contact in the pool. They kept to one side of the pool where there was the most covering from prying eyes,” the eyewitness told ET. “Outside of the pool, they sat on lounge chairs and talked animatedly. They spent about an hour poolside together.”

“They were very happy,” the onlooker told ET. “They looked pretty comfortable together.”

E! News reported the two have been trying to keep their relationship out of the public eye. A source told E! News that Rivera and Spade have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks.

They were both spotted leaving Catch restaurant in Los Angeles in January after sharing a dinner together.

FROM COINAGE: See Where 6 Stars Were Before They Were Famous

Rivera and Spade’s reps did not respond to a request for comment.

In November, Rivera filed for divorce from husband Ryan DorseyThe couple wed in July 2014 just three months after the Glee actress’ engagement to rapper Big Sean was called off.

“After much consideration, we have made the decision to end our marriage,” the former couple told PEOPLE in a statement. “Our priority is and always will be our beautiful son that we share together. We will continue to be great co-parenting partners for him. We ask for respect and privacy for our family during this difficult time.”

They share a 1-year-old son together — Josey Hollis.

Spade, of Saturday Night Live fame, has never been married – but had been linked in the past to Lara Flynn Boyle, among others.

He has one child — an 8-year-old daughter named Harper, with 31-year-old Playboy model Jillian Grace.

 


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Vice to Produce Original Snapchat Shows, Starting With Action Bronson’s Dating Series

Snapchat continues to beef up its lineup of premium short-form shows: Snap Inc. and Vice Media have struck an expanded deal under which Vice will produce shows exclusively for Snapchat. The first show under deal is “Hungry Hearts with Action Bronson,” a dating series hosted by rapper-chef Action Bronson (whose real name is Arian Asllani). The… Read more »

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This Heartbreaking Poem About Dating With OCD Is So Spot On

Dealing with a mental health issue can affect every part of your life ― including your relationships.

Case in point: This viral spoken poem by artist Neil Hilborn, which details the complexities of falling in love when you’re also dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder. The account is raw and emotional. It also perfectly captures the everyday challenges of the condition ― from repetitive behaviors to intrusive thoughts.

“The first time I saw her, everything in my head went quiet,” he says in the poem. “All the tics, all the constantly refreshing images, just disappeared. When you have obsessive compulsive disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments. Even in bed I’m thinking, ‘Did I lock the door, yes, did I wash my hands, yes.’”

OCD affects approximately 1 percent of the American population, with 50 percent of those cases being severe. It can lead to anxiety-provoking thoughts (some of which can cause debilitating panic attacks) and rituals that can interfere with a person’s daily life.

It’s those symptoms, Hilborn points out, that makes relationships difficult ― particularly when the other person may not fully understand the condition.

“I asked her out six times. In 30 seconds. She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right so I had to keep going,” he says. “On our first date, I spend more time organizing my meal by color rather than eating.”

Hilborn’s video has gone viral since he posted it last week, racking up more than 25 million views. That’s encouraging when it comes to stigma. Research shows there’s still a negative stereotype when it comes to mental health conditions ― and those misconceptions can prevent people from seeking support and speaking up. Professional treatment is the most effective way to manage a mental health issue like OCD.

Take a look at the video above to hear more of Hilborn’s poem. Eye opening, isn’t it?

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Adam Lambert Responds To Rumors He’s Dating Sam Smith

In our dreams, Adam Lambert and Sam Smith would make an adorable couple, but alas, there’s no romance heating up between the two pop stars for now.

On Thursday’s installment of “Watch What Happens Live,” Lambert told host Andy Cohen that although he and Smith have done “a lot of bonding” over the past year, there was no truth in any of the media speculation that the two are more than just friends. 

“I love that rumor, actually. The minute I heard it, I texted him,” Lambert, 35, said, responding to a fan’s inquiry. After shrugging off the romantic suggestion, he praised Smith, noting, “He’s such a nice guy. He’s so funny.”

The two stars have, in fact, spent quality time together in the past. In March 2016, the guys were spotted together at the New York nightclub No. 8. DJ Dawson posted a photograph of himself posing with Lambert and Smith on Instagram.  

Lambert elaborated further about his friendship with the “Stay With Me” singer in the “Watch What Happens Live” interview Thursday. “We did ride a rickshaw in London from one club to another, wasted, at like 3 in the morning,” he said. “And I ran into him in Mykonos this summer.” 

Fortunately for us, Lambert documented both of those encounters with Smith for posterity on Instagram

W/ @samsmithworld and Vince #mykonos

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@samsmithworld

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Though Smith, 24, has spent much of the past year out of the limelight, Lambert is gearing up to the road once more. In June, he’ll kick off a North American tour with Queen, playing 25 cities across the country.

Sizzle or not, Lambert and Smith no doubt have a lot to talk about as two of the pop world’s most out-and-proud performers. And there’s no reason the two can’t make some sweet music in the studio. C’mon, boys ― gift us with some ear candy!

For the latest in LGBTQ culture, don’t miss the Queer Voices newsletter.

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No dating app has more engagement than Grindr

No dating app has more engagement than GrindrGrindr users spend an average of 165 minutes inside the app each week. Smartphone app stores are chock-full of dating apps, all vying for screen time. According to a new study from New York City-based research firm 7Park Data, Grindr users spend an average of 165 minutes, or 2.75 hours, a week inside the app, far surpassing dating apps Badoo and Tinder, with users on average spending 68 minutes and 55 minutes a week using those apps, respectively.



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Online dating conmen ‘using love letter templates’

An online search could flag up some of the stock phrases used to trick people looking for love.
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Wedding Planning: Dream Wedding Tips – A Guide with Wedding Checklists, Budgets, Calendars, and More (Wedding Planning, Checklists, Budgets, Calendars, Dream Wedding, Marriage, Dating)

Online Dating Success Revealed

Online Dating Success Revealed


We are going to teach you how to be successful at online dating by providing you with insider tips and tricks to make yourself and your chances of success better. Is there something that you can do right now? Yes, take the time to make sure you read and do all that is in this book. It will allow you to make the right decisions about your online dating experience. No, really read it, don’t just skip through it!

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If Dating One Person Isn’t Working Out, Try Dating Six People at Once

That’s what romantically dissatisfied people are doing nowadays, according to a new study.

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Been There, Done That, Kept the Jewelry: Find True Love-Turn Your Tarnished Dating Past Into a Brilliant Romantic Future

Been There, Done That, Kept the Jewelry: Find True Love-Turn Your Tarnished Dating Past Into a Brilliant Romantic Future


Been There, Done That, Kept the Jewelry helps you take a no-nonsense look at your dating history, including the most common types of guys you’re sure to have encountered. No matter how much of a dud he turned out to be, you certainly learned something from dating him, right? This book will show you how to put those mistakes to work for you and create your own, highly personal, and totally effective plan for finding Mr. Right. You’ll analyze your exes and learn why you chose a loser like that for fabulous you; identify-and end-harmful dating patterns; create a foolproof Essentials list that will start you on the path to your dream guy; and much more! The most precious gem of all-a bright future with the man of your dreams-is within your reach! All you’ve got to do is put those tarnished costume jewels of relationships past behind you, and set your sights on something truly brilliant.

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Online Dating: 7 Internet Dating Secrets You Simply Must Know

Online Dating: 7 Internet Dating Secrets You Simply Must Know


Online Dating Internet Dating is no longer the preserve of the geeks and the terminally uncool of a few years ago. As the world becomes even more connected and social media continues to redefine the concept of ‘friendship’ more and more couples are meeting via online dating websites. Craig Beck is a former clinical hypnotist and human behavior expert. When his fourteen year marriage came to an end he found himself back in the dating game. He quickly discovered the rules had completely changed since his high school days. No more plucking up the courage to approach a girl you liked, now she was free to inspect and critique you from the comfort of her own home. Craig quickly realized that the vast majority of dating website members were making ‘relationship preventing’ mistakes in their profiles and photographs. In ‘Online Dating’ he guides you through the secrets you simply MUST know if you want to find the man or woman of your dreams online.

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Computer dating – best offer Greeting Card

Computer dating – best offer Greeting Card


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Do Open Marriages Work? How Dating Other People Brings Me Closer To My Husband

By Gracie X

For some people, perhaps, having an open marriage is a concession. Perhaps cheating comes to mind; you imagine that after infidelity, a couple has made a new vision of their marriage. These are marriages that “make- do” after the scar tissue has healed. But frankly, that isn’t the way it’s done in my polyamorous community, or my open marriage.

My situation is not at all about concessions. For me, sex with someone else is not a deal breaker. Being intentionally cruel, not taking care of our family, disrespecting me, and lying — all constitute deal breakers. But occasionally “stepping out” may just be part of our biology.

Right now, my marriage is mostly closed. Our lives are tremendously time-challenged. We have four kids and busy careers. But having some openness is one of many ingredients that keep the erotic life active in our marriage. Keeping an erotic charge can be challenging, given that almost every force in domestic life works against it. There are bills to be paid, kids demanding attention, and the endless, sexless grind of chores.

It all started a year ago, when my husband and I decided to go on an adventure. I wanted to have sex with a woman, not having done so in many years. The whole idea both titillated my husband and scared him a bit. We discussed what would make him feel safe and comfortable, and when he gave me the green light, I met a lovely woman online.

Bonnie, like me, was married and bisexual. We decided to meet at a local pub. There was an instant attraction. After half an hour of sipping martinis and flirting, we discovered that both of our husbands were parked close-by, nervously awaiting news of what was happening.

Sometimes, sleeping with new people is a measuring stick of how connected you are to your spouse.

Giggling, we texted them to join us. What followed was a new friendship between all of us. This is what I love about open marriage — the unpredictability. I was not expecting to be completely enchanted by her husband. Bill was so sex-positive and supportive about Bonnie exploring her newly confessed attraction to women. Bonnie had unintentionally “come out” at a BBQ the year before when she made out with her best friend — ironically, in a walk-in closet upstairs. While Bonnie’s best friend’s husband was angry and mortified, Bill was loving and supportive, encouraging Bonnie to explore this new part of her sexuality.

open marriges

The four of us had some great dates together. Eventually, time and family commitments slowed down our contact. But it was an adventure I’ll always cherish for many reasons — one of the main ones is that it heightened the love and trust between me and my husband. People assume that you get the excitement from the outside sexual encounters — and you sometimes do. But, as we explore who we are and what we desire, openness keeps the mystery alive between my husband and me.

The morning after our first date with Bonnie and Bill, my husband and I were snuggling and talking about how surprisingly fun and drama-free the evening had been. Our hearts were so open with the realization of how much we loved each other. Sometimes, sleeping with new people is a measuring stick of how connected you are to your spouse.

I am the last person alive who’d try extreme sports — I can barely grasp the need to risk your life in an effort to feel more alive. But there is an allure in the emotional skydiving of allowing your mate to be sexual with someone else. There’s exhilaration in moving through the fear of the potential loss of the relationship that, for us, is often followed by an all-consuming gratitude for each other; a gratitude that can get lost in the shuffle of mundane life.

I believe that the second wave of polyamory has a distinctly feminist bend to it. In most poly-marriages I know of, the woman is not a “victim,” but many times the initiator.

My open marriage improves my connection with my spouse. It is an intentional way to evolve together, a way to create spaciousness in our connection while also maintaining a deep bond.

Yesterday, I was talking to an acquaintance about my open marriage. She stated flatly “No one enters their marriage expecting they’ll open it.” She assumed I opened my marriage because it was flawed. Her concept of open marriage was that it was a patch job post “cheating”–a second best set up, built on the belief that passion fades, all relationships sour, and a series of necessary concessions have to be made, one of them being sex with other people.

Her thinking is fairly pervasive and a complete misread on most open marriages I know of. My open marriage improves my connection with my spouse. It is an intentional way to evolve together, a way to create spaciousness in our connection while also maintaining a deep bond. In my mind, the challenge of sustaining the vitality in long-term relationships lies in fostering the opposite qualities of passion versus stability, and wildness versus predictability. My interest lies in maintaining both ends of the spectrum, and openness in my marriage is one of the many tools I use to achieve this goal.

open marriage

Every open marriage is different, just as monogamous marriages are varied. People have different philosophies and motivations. For me, I want the freedom to create a marriage based on my value system — not someone else’s.

It’s a delicate balance to create stability and excitement in a marriage. There is a tipping point for me; to make it work I need trust, clear agreements, and lots of communication. I’ve often imagined if my house or phone were tapped by surveillance cops, they’d sit in a bored stupor listening to hours of my husband and I conversing about the nuance of our feelings, needs, fantasies, thoughts — they’d surely beg for the “good old days” of surveilling the mafia.

But it is this nuanced conversation that keeps my marriage fresh. Recently, my husband and I discussed what we would “allow” each other on separate upcoming business trips. After nearly an hour of checking in on how we both felt, the general state of our marriage, if the majority of our needs were being met sexually, emotionally, astrologically (kidding), we both agreed that we weren’t connected enough currently. What we really needed was a vacation together. The timing of our trips wasn’t good for us — and if we “hooked up” with other people, it could potentially cause hurt feelings. I only take calculated risks in my marriage. I am all about checking if there’s water in the pool before doing a spectacular high dive.

People have said to me, “Open marriage seems like so much work! I couldn’t be bothered to put so much time into an open marriage.” But the art of the relationship is something I feel devoted to. When you love something, you spend time caring for it.

Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” I want to be in the habit of investing energy into the art of love, passion, and a continued sustaining bond with my husband. And for me, that means putting sleeping with other people on the table.

Gracie X is the author of “Wide Open: My Adventures in Polyamory, Open Marriage, and Loving on My Own Terms “, available wherever books are sold in September 2015.

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Extroverts Sparkle, Introverts Glow: What You Bring To The Dating Game

My best friend in high school was a pretty, outgoing, talkative extrovert. Not only did she have gorgeous skin, a cute figure, and shiny brown hair that fell practically to her bottom, she was also flirtatious, opinionated, and quick to laugh. Boys were irresistibly drawn to her, and it seemed to me that she could get the adoring attention of anyone she wanted. At parties, she was the center of attention, the one laughing the loudest and flirting the hardest, and enrapturing everyone she met. In social situations, I felt dumpy, clumsy, and dull next to her.

About 400 years later, when through the modern miracle of the Internet I reconnected with people from high school, I was dumbfounded to learn that I hadn’t been nearly as invisible as I’d thought. People noticed me; boys noticed me; even one of my secret crushes noticed me and admitted that he’d had a little crush on me too. (Too bad neither of us said anything at the time, but that’s high school.)

This realization forced me to recast my whole high school experience and, to an extent, my own self-image in a different light. A softer one.

Here’s the point: Sometimes we imagine that to get attention, we have to compete with extroverts’ glitter and sparkle, and that can be discouraging. But it’s also not correct. Remember how your mom used to tell you that if you just be yourself, the right person will come along? For what is probably not the first time, your mother was right.

The reality is that you are not competing with extroverts for attention. Extroverts and introverts are apples and oranges. Extroverts sparkle—introverts glow. Extroverts are fireworks—introverts are a fire in the hearth. Extroverts attract people who like razzle-dazzle—introverts attract people who want to bask in their warmth. Remember that, if you’re looking for a one-and-only.

If you come from a family where introversion was not appreciated (or even if you didn’t), you might set out on your quest for the right relationship with a one-down mindset, imagining you will be easily overlooked or will have to behave like someone you’re not in order to get attention. But that’s not the way to go. People are drawn to others who are comfortable in their own skin, which for you means knowing yourself and liking who you are.

Besides, trying to be who you aren’t in order to attract a mate can backfire in many ways. First of all, there’s a matter of truth in advertising. My husband still brings up the very sexy top I wore to the party where he finally asked me out. “I never saw it again,” he says, with a hint of wry bitterness. It was the first and only time I ever wore that thing. It just wasn’t me. It was a blouse for an exhibitionist, not an introvert. While Tom has forgiven the deception (sort of), it offers a lesson: Don’t misrepresent yourself, or, even if everything else works out, you’ll never hear the end of it.

2015-02-04-Joni_Blecher_150x150.jpg
This article originally appeared on QuietRev.com.

You can find more insights from Quiet Revolution on work, life, and parenting as an introvert at QuietRev.com.

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Nick Jonas Denies Dating Kendall Jenner

Nick Jonas and Kendall Jenner’s relationship has officially been downgraded from taking it “very slowly” to a figment of our imaginations. 

Earlier this month, sources told Us Weekly that the 19-year-old model began dating the 22-year-old singer after she was introduced to him by mutual pal Gigi Hadid, who is dating Jonas’ brother Joe. And just this week, sources told E! News that the pair were keeping things “pretty light as of now.”

Awww, cute, but that’s a not how Jonas sees it. In a story published Friday, he told E! News, “We’re not dating,” 

He added, “Kendall is great and naturally with her being good friends with Gigi and with Joe and Gigi dating, there are times we’ll be in the same place and we all hang out.” 

As for Jenner, she’s been way too busy soaking up the sun in St Barts to clear up dating rumors: 

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New-Couples Alert: These Celebrities Are All Rumored to Be Dating

Not everyone in Hollywood is breaking up: Here are three new celebrity couples rumored to be together. Sandra Bullock and a "Super Hot" Photographer He may not have a name, but according to Us Weekly,…


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12 Things That Freak Men Out About Dating Post-Split

Dating is a nerve-racking experience for anyone — and when you’re a newly divorced guy, you have even more to worry about. (“Will my date think I have a ton of baggage?” “Did I really just get Tinder-matched with my ex’s sister?”)  

The experience is not for the faint of heart. Below, divorced men share the things that freaked them out most about dating after the big D. 

1. Do I seem totally desperate? 

“I worried about seeming desperate and damaged, even though I was a little of both. Thank God for my family and my therapist! And my cat. (I also worried about being a crazy cat dude, but my cat’s awesome.) – Antonio Sacre, author of My Name Is Cool

2. What will my kids think of this person? (Actually, maybe I shouldn’t let my kids meet this person.) 

“I spent a lot of time anxiously wondering whether my daughter and the women in my life would get along — or else plotting to keep them from ever meeting.”  Jeffrey Zeth 

3. I feel like I’m cheating on my wife — err, ex-wife. 

 ”At least when I was a teenager I had an excuse for being nervous. This time, I also felt like I was cheating on my wife. Yes, she was no longer my spouse, but I hadn’t been out with any other woman in a long time.” Elliott Katz, author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man

4. Am I really ready?  

“Hands down, the number one thing I was nervous about was whether I was really ready to date. I certainly felt ready: Ready to have sex. Ready to have some sort of a relationship. But what kind of relationship? I simply wasn’t sure if I should even be dating.” — Chris Burcher 

5. How are my kids going to respond to me dating? 

“Look, divorce is traumatic enough for kids. When you start dating, you don’t want them to feel disappointed when daddy ditches them some nights to ‘go meet a friend.’ That’s why I put off dating for at least two years to avoid stressing my kids out.” — Craig Tomashoff

6. What if there’s a name slip-up? 

“I worried about calling my date by my ex-wife’s name. Whoops.” – Antonio Sacre

 7. Will she look anything like her profile picture? 

“You never know. I met women who used 10-year-old photos (‘because my stylist says I don’t look a day over 30…even though I’m 40’) and a woman who had used an intensely airbrushed head-on shot.”  – Darren Marshall

8. Oh, great, now I’m going to have to get in shape. 

“One of the greatest things about getting married is you can stop working hard to constantly impress potential mates. Eat the fettuccine Alfredo. Skip the kickboxing class. I panicked about having to get back on the market again because it meant vanity and I had to get reacquainted. And that meant a lot of hard work that I wasn’t ready to take on.” – Craig Tomashoff

9. What kind of weirdos am I going to meet on Tinder, Plentyof Fish, etc.?

“I was nervous about who I’d meet online. I had my kids every Thursday through Sunday so it didn’t take long to realize it was going to be a challenge to meet people. To be honest, I always thought online dating was for desperate individuals so I didn’t know what to expect.”  – Kevin Cotter, author of 101 Uses for My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress

10.  The state of their manscaping. 

“Some single buddies of mine explained to me how much they groomed themselves. Having been married for almost 12 years I had never groomed anything below my neck. By age 36, hair was definitely showing up in places it didn’t belong so I had work to do.” – Kevin Cotter  

11. Is she going to drill me on why I’m divorced? 

“It’s not a conversation to have on the first few few dates but the subject will eventually come up the more serious things get. The truth is always complicated; I was always torn between making sure she understood the whole story and giving her TMI.”    Jeffrey Zeth 

12. Enough about me. What if she has baggage of her own?

“I had one date who turned up in a wedding ring. She had apparently yet to tell her husband the news that they were separated and that she was on Match.com…”  – Darren Marshall

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About Those Ben Affleck Dating His Nanny Rumors…

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The Dos & Don’ts of Real Dating

As Jagged Little Pill turns 20, the woman who made a career out of singing about relationships shares everything she’s learned.


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Ooh, True Detective Costars Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch Are Reportedly Dating

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Which of These 5 Dating Personality Types Are You?

Have you ever noticed that people follow distinct patterns when it comes to their dating habits? Have you identified your own pattern? When it comes to dating, most of us can be pretty predictable and fall into one of five basic dating personality types.

There is no positive or negative here. Your dating personality can change, and oftentimes it will over the course of our lives. Humans are complicated, of course, and it’s possible to recognize characteristics of more than one type in yourself, but one will probably stand out for you more than the rest.

If you’re single and hoping to get into a relationship, knowing your own type and the type of those you’re meeting and dating can save you a lot of confusion and heartache!

So, which one are you?

1. The Avoider

As the name suggests, Avoiders avoid! Common characteristics are:

  • Not being proactive about meeting more and new potential partners.
  • Getting easily frustrated and giving up when beginning to date or thinking about dating.
  • “Half-assing” online dating efforts and flakiness when it comes to nailing down concrete plans.
  • Generally uncomfortable flirting or putting himself/herself “out there”.

Avoiders want to have an organically unfolding connection with partners; they hope that a suitable partner will appear without any special effort on their part. When they do date, they usually date those they know through friends, work or school. Avoiders believe (or desperately hope) love will “just happen.” They can easily find reasons to disqualify potential partners, and feel intimidated by intimacy, especially when they are being pursued.

Tips for the Avoider:

Avoiders need to stop avoiding and start dating. New thinking takes practice – you’re not likely to magically wake up one day and find yourself going on lots of dates without a concerted effort to do things differently than you have before now.

Get the support you need- a friend who can hold you accountable can be a great way to keep you on track when you feel like throwing in the towel. Online dating, singles events or working with a professional dating coach or matchmaker are all ways to jumpstart your love life. If you practice your dating skills you will greatly improve your confidence and de-mystify the process of dating. If your new actions feel uncomfortable, take that as a good sign!

2. The Dreamer

Dreamers have a very active imagination when it comes to their love lives – even when they’re not dating at all. Common characteristics are:

  • Prone to elaborate fantasies about a crush or being reunited with an ex.
  • Becoming fixated on one person, even if that person hasn’t demonstrated a concrete interest in dating you.
  • Tendency to compare potential partners to the “ideal” partner you imagine – an ex, crush or vision of the “perfect” man or woman.
  • Unwillingness to date anyone unless you feel instant chemistry and passion.

Dreamers believe in love at first sight and feel that anything less is a waste of time. They don’t easily move on if their attraction to another is not reciprocated or the other person isn’t seeking a relationship. Dreamers can easily be taken advantage of by someone who enjoys their attention but isn’t interested in being a partner. They can be highly critical of those they’re not already emotionally invested in and see their crush as nearly perfect. Dreamers can spend a lot of time frustrated by the inability or unwillingness of their “dream” partner to materialize or commit to them.

Dreamers tend to be very well suited to monogamy, since they are so single-minded about the object of their desire. The problem arises when the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy the Dreamer has created, or when the relationship is over or hasn’t even begun – a Dreamer can stay single for a long time because of an attachment to an unavailable partner.

Tips for the Dreamer:

Similar to Avoiders, Dreamers need practice dating other people. And they need to focus on becoming their own fantasy. What are the qualities you desire in others? Are they present in you? Can you cultivate them? Oftentimes what we greatly admire in others is a clue to what we desire for ourselves. Dreamers also need a reality check – if you find yourself putting someone up on a pedestal (particularly if you’re not in a relationship), take a step back. Don’t indulge the fantasy but look for the reality of your current situation.

Dreamers should adopt the Avoider strategy and additionally, focus on cultivating personal passions in their own lives.

3. The Martyr

Martyrs can find themselves in the same unfulfilling relationships and romantic entanglements over and over. Common characteristics are:

  • Dating those who “choose” her or him, even when they’re not particularly interested in that person.
  • Getting into relationships with those who mistreat or take advantage of her or him.
  • Making excuses for their partner’s poor behavior, especially if they have a difficult past or childhood.
  • Becoming quickly committed and “serial monogamy” – can find it hard to say no to a new relationship for fear of hurting the other person’s feelings or being alone.

Martyrs can be very empathetic, which is a wonderful quality. However, they can too easily lose their own sense of self worth and diminish their own needs and desires. Unfortunately, it’s easy to justify a relationship with an incompatible or even abusive partner if you’re not able to believe you deserve more (which you do) or that you can find another person who wants to date you (you can, trust me). Martyrdom can easily lead to masochism if you’re not careful.

Tips for the Martyr:

If there is one thing the Martyr needs to focus on, it’s their sense of self-worth. If you are a Martyr, it’s probably a good idea to take a break from dating until you are able to choose your partners from a position of confidence. The goal here is not perfection – it’s knowing that you have something special to offer and you don’t have to settle for anyone who doesn’t excite you and fulfill your needs. Remember – we all deserve someone who wants to be with us for who we are, not just because our partner couldn’t say no.

4. The Nurturer/Protector

The Nurturer/Protector is attracted to those they can care for and protect. Common characteristics are:

  • Attraction to the “potential” in others – maybe an unrealized talent or admirable personality trait.
  • Often “rescuing” partners from some distress – financial trouble, addiction, an abusive or otherwise toxic relationship, or a difficult period of life such as a job loss, health issue or death of a loved one.
  • Can become involved with people at a drastically different stage of life – someone who is much younger or has fewer resources than the Nurturer/Protector to handle their current situation.

Nurturer/Protectors, unconsciously or consciously like a “project”. They pride themselves on being able to see a side or an aspect of a person that most others can’t see. They secretly (or not so secretly) hope that they can love or encourage their partners into lasting change or breakthroughs. This relationship dynamic can lead to resentment on the part of the Nurturer/Protector, who can feel frustrated that their efforts are unappreciated or don’t achieve the results they are hoping for. There is also a danger of unconsciously setting your partner up to continually need your protection and support.

Tips for the Nurturer/Protector:

This dating type can result in well balanced relationships when the person being nurtured/protected is on the same page and enjoys this dynamic. If, however, the Nurturer/Protector finds her or himself in out of balance relationships that lead to resentment, and heartache, take a step back. Look at the commonalities of those you’ve dated – are you always paying the bills, or helping someone find a new place to live, or providing a safe landing for them to exit a bad relationship? The best way to create a new pattern is to shine a light on the existing one and making a new decision going forward.

5. The Charmer

The Charmer is a highly socially intelligent person, and is generally characterized by:

  • Natural charm and magnetism that easily attracts others.
  • Feeling energized by the initial phase of attraction and seduction.
  • Feelings that monogamy is unnatural/unrealistic (at least for them).
  • A series of short relationships or no relationships at all beyond initial days or weeks of seduction.

Charmers love the thrill of the chase (or being chased). They are naturally adept at attracting many potential partners. They can be impulsive and fall in love easily and passionately for a short time. Monogamous relationships tend to be a rare or short-term event for the Charmer who is especially addicted to the novelty of new attractions.

Tips for the Charmer:

Charmer, know thyself! Society might frown upon your charismatic, noncommittal ways, but there is no one way to be in this world. The key for you is to use your powers for good, not evil. Your number one rule should be honesty, honesty, honesty. Starting with yourself. Do you want to have a lasting relationship? If so, pump the brakes and don’t fall into your usual habit of moving at lightning speed.

If you don’t want a commitment, be upfront and take responsibility for the impression you might be conveying by charming new prospects so effectively. You probably have left your fair share of broken hearts in your wake and a lot of those could have been avoided if you were upfront from the beginning (before sex) about what you were looking for.

Those non-Charmers out there have responsibility too, since in many cases we turn off our logical brains in the face of the rush of adrenaline a Charmer can provide. Just as the Charmer should avoid saying what they know the other person wants to hear (unless they mean it), everyone would be wise to take words and actions into account when our hearts are involved. If it’s meant to be, taking it slow won’t stop your relationship from happening.

So, which type are you? Do you recognize yourself in one or more of the above? Do you think I missed a type? Let me know! Leave a comment below or find me on Twitter. You can also sign up for more free advice, updates and even a free session with me at www.francescahogi.com!

Francesca is dating coach, professional matchmaker and regular guest expert on NBC’s The Today Show.

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How to Hack Dating Apps: 5 Tricks From the Cofounder of Tinder

Want to know how to make your profile stand out? I may have a few ideas. (I cofounded Tinder in 2012, and I’m now the founder and CEO of a new dating app, Bumble, so I’ve got a few secrets up my sleeve.) Here are five insider tricks to help you get that guy of your dreams.




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Britney Spears And Charlie Ebersol Reportedly Split After 8 Months Of Dating

Britney Spears is single, according to Us Weekly.

The magazine reports that the singer and boyfriend Charlie Ebersol have split. The two started dating in October 2014.

No word on what went down between the two, but Us Weekly points out that Spears has already deleted all photos of Ebersol, who is the son of “Saturday Night Live” co-creator Dick Ebersol, from her Instagram account, though it seems she hasn’t gotten around to it on Twitter just yet.

In addition to erasing him from her social media, it seems like the 33-year-old singer might be throwing a bit of shade her ex’s way as well. On Sunday, Spears posed in a bikini next to a male friend and she captioned the photo, “So nice to be home! Nothing like Louisiana boys.”

The Huffington Post has reached out to Spears’ rep for comment.

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Country Music Star Dustin Lynch on Turning 30, Dating, and Why He Won’t Get Tattoos

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Nick Jonas and Olivia Culpo Have Split After Nearly Two Years of Dating

Looks like it won't be a summer of love for Nick Jonas and Olivia Culpo, the inspiration behind Jonas' hit song "Jealous." The two have reportedly split after nearly two years of dating, Us Weekly…




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3 Questionable Pieces Of Dating Advice From Aziz Ansari’s ‘Modern Romance’

modern romance

Aziz Ansari, known to many as the dapper Tom Haverford on “Parks and Recreation,” and known to still more as a brilliant, subversive comedian, wants you to find love. Yes, you. (Don’t worry about him, he’s already found it and it sounds pretty great.)

His new book, Modern Romance, features a zany cover and the opening line “Oh shit!”, but let there be no confusion: This is not exactly a humor book. Aziz explains in the introduction that he’s never had interest in writing a humor book because he “thought stand-up was the best medium for [him].” Instead, he developed an obsession with the modern dating landscape and decided to write a book about that, collaborating with a sociologist Eric Klinenberg to conduct an enormous amount of research on dating and relationships.

Modern Romance compiles numerous anecdotes from his stand-up, their focus groups, and a subreddit they set up, as well as studies and conversations with prominent psychologists and relationship experts. Want to know all about dating these days, plus occasional, weird Photoshopped graphics? This book has that total package.

Aziz doesn’t position this as an advice book, either, but there’s no avoiding a certain degree of prescriptivism when it comes to analyzing what does and doesn’t work in the dating sphere. He points out that research suggests having lengthy online interactions prior to meeting up isn’t helpful, and can waste your time and emotional energy — that seems to be true, and the underlying message is, well, don’t do that.

With that in mind, my skeptical, dating-averse brain began automatically scanning the book for awful advice. I’m hardly qualified to do so, considering the following: I am in a relationship that predated the rise of Tinder; I used OkCupid for roughly a week at a time at six-month intervals during my single years; I once told three guys I was shutting down my OkCupid account in large part because I couldn’t think of a more tactful way to avoid seeing them again (they were so nice!). And then I actually shut down my OkCupid account so I wouldn’t be a liar. I have never been on more than three dates with anyone but my boyfriend, and I never figured out how to get in on the booty-call game. Out of the two of us, Aziz must be more qualified to give relationship advice.

And yet … some of the dating advice in Modern Romance really does seem a bit questionable. Here are the three most ehhhh bits of romantic guidance he offers to the single reader:

aziz ansari

“Participating in novel and exciting activities increases our attraction to people … If I look back on my dating life, I wonder how much better I (and the other person) would have fared if I had done something exciting rather than just get a stupid drink at a local bar.”

Now, sure, being nervous or excited about something else can make you feel more attracted to the person you’re with; Aziz references a famous study involving a sturdy bridge, a rickety bridge and an attractive woman handing out her phone number to men at the end. The men who just faced near-certain death on the perilous rocks below were significantly more likely to give her a ring. “The Bachelor” also has this figured out, which is why every date involves free-falling off a skyscraper or playing with venomous serpents. Afterward, every woman is convinced she adores the man who free-fell with her. That, or her legs are just shaky with pure terror, but who can tell the difference?

Question: So why do all those “Bachelor” couples break up? Seriously though. If your attraction was just misfiring anxiety neurons, what happens when those neurons chill out? Do you have to spend your entire relationship going hang-gliding? He relays a couple anecdotes in which an exciting, unconventional date made an impression or led to a second, but doesn’t say any of them led to true love. Meanwhile, Aziz looks back regretfully on all those “stupid drink[s] at a local bar,” but his first date with the woman he loves was just plain old dinner. (My first date with my boyfriend, full disclosure, was a stupid drink at a local bar.) I bet Aziz’s first date was as thrilling and heart-pounding as my first date was, because sharing a conversation with the right person can be more than enough. Personally I’m kinda glad I filtered out the other people earlier on instead of tricking myself with adrenaline rushes.

You know, unless it has lasting effects. In which case I’m down to handle snakes with my gentleman friend, For Love. It’s worth noting, however, that these studies typically involve single individuals whose attraction to strangers is being observed or rated. In a 2003 study that examined sexual attraction after a roller-coaster ride (wheee!), single riders showed a notable uptick in their ratings of strangers’ photos after the ride, but coupled riders showed no increase in attraction either to photos or to each other. Whomp whomp.

tinder dating

“So based on these data, the answers are clear: If you are a woman, take a high-angle selfie, with cleavage, while you’re underwater near some buried treasure.”

To be clear, I know Aziz’s tongue is jammed so far up his cheek it’s basically in his ear. That said, he goes into a fair amount of detail about what photos get you more messages on dating sites, suggesting that using the right photos to get more messages is part of being “good” at online dating. For a woman, this means coyly smiling, high-angle selfies, which makes sense, on a basic level. She looks friendly but also a bit mysterious, and the angle tends to be flattering — it emphasizes your eyes and makes your chin seem to taper delicately, creating a more traditionally feminine visual.

Question: But if you’re looking for the right person, not just a person, is attracting higher numbers across the board necessarily the way to go? Women already tend to be flooded with generally distasteful attention on dating sites. Try pre-filtering the shallow dolts by using normal photos, or only using watercolors you’ve painted of your cat, or by mentioning in your profile that you’re a vocal feminist (only if true, of course). In my OkCupid experience, the latter cut down on gross come-ons and allowed me to easily find and meet up with a few really awesome dudes. If I hadn’t gotten tired and quit dating after about six tries, I probably would have met someone perfect!

Men, this may not be as much of a problem for you, but still — do you want all that additional attention from women who wouldn’t notice you if your photo wasn’t quite right? Maybe you do, in which case, take Aziz’s advice. You should really read his book, but here’s a hint: Do not look at the camera.

text message

“All the psychological principles seem to point to waiting being a strategy that works for singles who are trying to build attraction … When you are texting someone less frequently, you are, in effect, creating a scarcity of you and making yourself more attractive.”

Aziz pulls out a lot of psychological research to explain why people ignoring us makes us want them, and he’s not wrong. We spend time thinking about whether they’re actually into us or not. We wish we had more from them, because we can’t easily get a response from them, let alone time with them. Much like a cute dress we see in the window of a boutique, we obsess over it more when we feel like we can’t afford it — once we buy it, it just sits in our closet like all our other crap. Don’t you want potential romantic partners to obsess over you?

Question: But … all things in moderation, right? You don’t want to deluge a suitor with texts, love letters and DMs before the romance has had a chance to naturally ripen, leaving the poor guy or gal wishing they had the opportunity to miss you occasionally. On the other hand, that stomach-churning obsession over whether he hasn’t texted back because he’s really busy at work or because he met a supermodel in the last 12 hours and is already shopping for her engagement ring isn’t exactly healthy, especially once the romance has become established. It’s a sign of insecurity about your relationship.

So, okay, space out your texts so your message convo doesn’t feel like a frenzied textual Ping-Pong match. But don’t start your relationship off with a pattern of psychological antagonism! A 2013 study about the impact of texting on relationships suggested that while texting to express affection increased relationship quality, texting hurtful things or attempting to resolve issues over text decreased it. Moreover, the authors wrote, “even communication instigated through technology connections may help emerging adults feel that their romantic partners are accessible, responsive, and engaged, or vice-versa.”

Sensing this textual availability from one’s partner, they note, makes one more secure in the relationship and therefore more comfortable exploring beyond it. If your girlfriend is always good about texting you back when she can, then the occasional failure to do so may feel less threatening — your security in the relationship will allow you to assume that the delay isn’t malicious and that you’ll be fine until the response comes. So, make the other person feel secure that you’ll respond! Let them make you feel secure! Be vulnerable! Generally just, I don’t know, act like a sane, nonwithholding person.

So I wasn’t sold by every page of the book. Still, even my deeply cynical, introvert’s brain found most of the insights and tips in Modern Romance to be pretty solid. If you, or your highly eligible son or daughter, are navigating the treacherous waters of dating today, you’ll want to know which parts of people’s online dating profiles are helpful and which are simply leading you astray, for example, and this book has got you covered.

Plus, Aziz has a serious girlfriend now, so he must have figured something out.

So as a bonus, I’ll leave you with my favorite piece of non-questionable dating advice from Modern Romance:

“With so many romantic options, instead of trying to explore them all, make sure you properly invest in people and give them a fair chance before moving on to the next one.”

One date almost never gives us a real shot at getting to know a new person well enough to make a decision about a relationship, but if you feel like there’s another option around every corner, you might not want to “waste” time on a second date with someone who didn’t blow you away. Or, if you’re a socially anxious introvert like me, you might not want to “waste” time on a second date with someone when you could, instead, be at home enjoying a glass of wine and a book with your cat. Aziz points out, “A person may seem just okay, but if you really invest time in the relationship, maybe they’ll be greater than you assume.” Familiarity does tend to lead to warm feelings, and a nonstop merry-go-round of new strangers means no familiarity. Ever!

Aziz also remembers a time when he felt scared about committing to a relationship when he wasn’t yet totally head over heels in love — but he made the decision to dive in and give the budding romance its best shot. Dive into your relationships, treat them like a project shared by you and your partner, and you’re bound to get better results than if you sit back and wait for them to impress you. “Modern romance” notwithstanding, it’s true today as it was for our grandparents. Good call, Aziz.

aziz ansari

Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance will be published June 16 by Penguin Press.

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Looks Like Gigi Hadid And Joe Jonas Might Be Dating

The question of “are they or aren’t they” is finally settled.

Gigi Hadid and Joe Jonas are reportedly “hooking up” now after first denying there was anything romantic going on, and that they were “just friends.”

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Does This Photo Mean Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield Are Dating Again?

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone did what people who aren’t together rarely do … grocery shop.

Andrew and Emma were at Ralphs in Malibu Saturday lookin’ all domestic. It’s the first time they’ve been seen together since their heavily-rumored breakup back in March.

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The Dos And Don’ts Of Writing An Online Dating Profile

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There is such a lot of conflicting advice out there on how to write your online dating profile. And let’s be honest, it is important to get it right. I’ve found it helpful to think about your profile rather like a cross between a CV and a great piece of PR. Does that sound tough? Well, if you want to stand out from everyone else online then it’s well worth spending some time thinking about what you want to say and how you want to come across to potential dates. It’s not about making things up but it is about thinking creatively. It’s about showing rather than telling. Nobody wants to read yet another profile about loving country walks, watching films curled up on the sofa, having a good sense of humor …. yawn!

With a good few years dating experience behind me and now with the wonderful job of helping people create an Irresistible Dating Profile these are the dos and don’ts of profile writing that I’ve learned.

The Dos

  • Facts not fiction — if you are a couch potato don’t talk about your fitness schedule … unless you’re looking for someone to help you off the couch.
  • Do be happy to stand out — celebrate your unique qualities.
  • Be interesting — what’s the most interesting thing about you?
  • Be succinct — not quite Twitter-like but make your profile snappy.
  • Be specific — instead of saying ‘enjoy Friday nights out in the bar’ say ‘Friday evenings I can be found enjoying Cabernet Sauvignon with my oldest friends, catching up on each other’s latest adventures.’
  • Paint a picture of your life — fitness might be important to you (and 2 million others) so say more — you get your annual skiing fix in Boulder Colorado, you’re working towards the next Ironman.
  • Be different — share your unique hobbies or leisure activities. Stand out. Free diving, growing bonsai trees or burlesque dancing … share it!
  • Be playful with your username and headline — create a hook. You want possible matches curious to know more.
  • Do share some of your values — talk about those things that are important to you in life, you’re more likely to attract those who are compatible.
  • Make sure you’re in a great frame of mind before you write your profile — play your happy music and wear your lucky t-shirt.
  • Give details — If you say you love music, say which band and when you last saw them. If you love cooking say why and who inspires you. If you love gardening say how it makes you feel … You get the picture?

The Don’ts

  • Don’t be shy and uncertain about yourself. Go easy on the self deprecation.
  • Don’t tell lies, however minor because you will be found out! And a relationship that begins with a lie will not recover. If you’re 43 don’t say you’re 38. Just don’t.
  • Don’t make demands on the type of person you’re looking for … this is not a shopping list. Don’t start a sentence with, “you must be…” or, “I’ll only date someone who is…” Get over yourself!
  • Don’t be a victim. Don’t badmouth your ex and don’t talk about dating disasters. It’s not nice.
  • Don’t TELL what a cool person you are. Instead SHOW by sharing some great stories of adventures or a snapshot of your life.
  • Don’t start each sentence with “I” … that’s boring. Mix it up a little. Instead of “I love cycling and went to Paris to watch the final stage of the Tour de France. It was brilliant” How about, “Standing on the Champs Elysée for the final stage of the Tour de France was a dream come true for the avid cyclist I am. Being surrounded by so many likeminded people was inspiring.”
  • Don’t go on about things you dislike. It’s not attractive
  • Don’t go overboard on exclamation marks, emoticons. You’re not a teenager.
  • Don’t be afraid to say what you want. Looking for a life partner? Say it.
  • Don’t be lame — ‘my friends made me sign up’, ‘I don’t know what to write’, ‘my character? Don’t know really but my friends say I’m fun to be around’ … pleease…just don’t do it!

If you use these as pointers when you’re writing your profile you will stand out … that’s a promise! I love that I now get time with amazing people guiding them to creating a stand out dating profile. If you’d like some one-to-one support take a look and see how I could help you.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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Glamour Shots on Dating Sites Draw More Prospects: Study

Even though men found women in flattering photos less trustworthy, they still wanted to date them
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Swimsuit Singles: Dating Advice for Men Fitness Advice for Women DVD

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Brandon Scott Wolf Creates Dating Website For Himself Only

Finding love online can be difficult when you are just one of millions actively seeking a partner.

So Brandon Scott Wolf has found a way to increase the odds in his favor. He’s created DateBrandonScott Wolf, a dating site where he is the only dating option.

The website claims to be “America’s No. 1 Online Dating Site for Brandon Scott Wolf.”

Women interested in dating the 25-year-old Brooklyn-based bartender and comedian simply need to fill out a profile and write an essay between 500 and 1,000 words about “an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.”

In return, Wolf promises to be the perfect partner for a woman seeking a serious relationship, which he defines as “being able to lay on a couch together while wearing pajamas and watching ‘Bob’s Burgers’ (LOL).”

So far, Wolf has received more than 45 applications, including one all the way from India, Fusion.net reports.

Wolf is cautiously optimistic he might find lasting love from one of the applicants.

“Half seem real, a quarter seem VERY real,” he told Elite Daily.

Since Wolf is a known comedian who contributes jokes to the “Weekend Update” segment on “Saturday Night Live,” you’re forgiven if you’re not sure he’s serious.

Neither is he.

“People have asked me, ‘Are you serious? Is this a joke?’ And my only response is, ‘I’m not even sure,'” Wolf told Mashable. “There’s a part of me that’s hoping someone is going to get this 100 percent, and won’t catfish me, and then I’ll ask them out on a date.”

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Are These Random New Celebrity Couples Really Dating?

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Uncle Spirit Tries Internet Dating | Flex and Shanice | Oprah Winfrey Network

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Uncle Spirit is looking for a spiritual lady that he can get serious about and meditate with. Ruba suggests internet dating and even stages a photo shoot with uncle Spirit to help him create an online profile.

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Most people know 90s pop sensation Shanice for her Grammy-nominated hit song, “I Love Your Smile” and actor Flex Alexander from his hit TV show, “One on One,” but few people know this fairytale couple both faced career stumbling blocks and quickly hit financial rock bottom. Flex and Shanice realized that they needed to take their wedding vow “for richer or poorer” to heart, so with their two adorable kids, 12-year-old Imani and 10-year-old Elijah, in tow, they moved into a rental home and brought their hilarious extended family into the mix to help cover the cost. A total of nine people, including Shanice’s “momager” Crystal, make this truly a full house where anyone’s business becomes everyone’s business.

Oprah Winfrey Network is the first and only network named for, and inspired by, a single iconic leader. Oprah Winfrey’s heart and creative instincts inform the brand — and the magnetism of the channel.

Winfrey provides leadership in programming and attracts superstar talent to join her in primetime, building a global community of like-minded viewers and leading that community to connect on social media and beyond. OWN is a singular destination on cable. Depth with edge. Heart. Star power. Connection. And endless possibilities.

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A Dandy Guide to Dating Vintage Menswear: Wwi Through the 1960s

A Dandy Guide to Dating Vintage Menswear: Wwi Through the 1960s


New – Vintage clothing is a part of our style history, is an acceptable way to individualize the way we dress, and is an increasingly popular way to “go green.” This reference book is an easy-to-use compilation of information for dating menswear garments using label information, textiles, styles, and other available information. It is ideal for new converts to vintage and seasoned collectors of men’s and women’s garments. This liberally illustrated guide, featuring labels, images from catalogs a

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The 5 Types Of Dating Profiles You Should Skip Immediately

When it comes to dating, it can be a jungle out there. Yes, anyone who’s ever dated knows how brutal the scene can be. It’s even worse when you’re just coming out of a relationship and, yes, especially when you’re over 50. As if it weren’t bad enough being set up with your friend’s weird brother, you now have the pleasure of perusing potential dates on the Internet.

Online dating can be a gift — and a curse. If you’re lucky, you find Mr. or Mrs. Right while surfing your matches from the comfort of your own home. If you’re unlucky, you’ll encounter one of these five types of people below:

1. The Oversharer
online dating
We asked our Facebook fans to share the biggest turn-offs they’ve ever seen in online dating profiles. Oversharing was one of the top complaints. Whether you’re thrice-divorced, bitterly-divorced or, yes, even sterile, do everyone (including yourself) a favor and save this kind of heavy stuff for later. Honesty is the best policy, but too much information too soon is never a good thing.

“Here is one statement on a profile that caused me to ‘run for the hills’: ‘I have been married three times and unfortunately those haven’t worked out. I’m looking for my fourth wife’,” said reader Gina Bowman.

2. The Weird-Selfie-Guy
OK, yes, we want someone who wants us for us, and looks should never be 100 percent of a relationship, but let’s face it. A picture is worth a thousand words. And if your photo is you taking a selfie at a funeral, or in the mirror, or is of you in any other odd location/position, your potential admirers will be doing everything they can to stay anyway. Also, keep the Anthony Weiner-style shots for your own private viewing, please.

3. The Guy Who Still Lives With His Parents

This may be OK at 25, but at 50, it’s just a big no-no, said reader Rich Irvin. Yes, as the 1999 TLC song goes, “if you live at home wit’ your momma,” ladies aren’t having any of that. P.S. don’t make this worse by posting a picture of you and your mom.

4. The Guy Without A Car
This is reader Pamela Williams’ biggest turnoff: “I don’t own a car so you’d have to pick me up or live on the bus line.” Um, OK, we’re hoping all you online daters out there know better than to get in a car with a complete stranger, but we also know we’d prefer a grownup with his or her own car for dates down the road.

5. The Liar

This one comes in all shapes and sizes. Yes, yes, folks, using a picture from 15 years ago where you had a lot less around the middle and a lot more up top isn’t the smartest idea. Also, lying about your age in the digital age, where a simple Internet search can reveal all, is also not the brightest idea.

“The worst things I see and read…is lying about your age to ‘be in a younger’ category! Really?…you are who you are…and if you can easily tell a ‘small’ lie, who’s to know what else your willing to lie about…same with marital status…why lie, and on and on. Integrity is a deal breaker for me…NEXT,” said reader Lisa Brewster.
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This Cute Little Pup’s Online Dating Profile Is Lies, Lies, Lies

We’ve been on enough online dates to know that the odds of meeting a guy who lives up to his dating profile are pretty much abysmal. That filled-in occupation field? Just kidding, he doesn’t have a job right now. His really smokin’ profile picture? Straight out of the annals of spring break 1999.

That’s probably why we loved this Instagrammed pic so much:

Sigh. #ForeverAlone

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Pam and her good friend, Monique, are both single and ready to start dating again. They come up with a secret girlfriend code in case their double date goes all wrong—or all right!

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7 Hilarious Pieces Of Vintage Dating Advice

Dating is the worst. As if it isn’t bad enough worrying about getting food particles stuck in your teeth, awkward silences, or having to eat something that just can’t be eaten gracefully, you also have to worry about proper pre and post-date etiquette.

Luckily, dating has gotten a little easier nowadays — or at least more convenient. We can let our technology do most of the dirty work. You send an email to see if your date is free Friday night. A quick follow up text after a great first date (no more three-day rule). A Facebook message to ask for a second date.

Unfortunately for earlier generations, they just didn’t have all these tools at their disposal. We think we have it hard, but dating the old-fashioned way was even worse. Luckily, they had something we don’t see very often today: self-help guides.

We’ve rounded up some of the most laughable dating advice from decades past for your viewing pleasure. Now be thankful you’re living in a digital world.

There were entire books written on the matter.

Maybe this was the original, “Why Men Love Bitches”

Kissing on the first date was a matter of serious deliberation…

Know what to lookout for boys…Ladies, whatever you do, don’t be alluring

Have plenty to talk about…

Make sure she doesn’t have daddy issues…

And don’t forget gals, once you catch him, you’ve got to keep him too

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Computer dating – best offer Greeting Card

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How to Survive Dating

How to Survive Dating


What is your date saying about you? Whether you are about to embark on your first date, are deep in the dating trenches, or are just getting back in the dating game after taking a break, How to Survive Dating has great advice for singles of every age and at every stage of dating. From meeting online to meeting the parents, first kiss to home base, shacking up to breaking up, this book is your A to Z companion guide to surviving� and thriving� your dating years.

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How to Date Men: Dating Secrets from America’s Top Matchmaker

How to Date Men: Dating Secrets from America’s Top Matchmaker


The hardest part about dating is understanding the mysterious inner workings of a man’s brain. How can women know what men are really looking for if men don’t tell them? They can ask Janis. With over fourteen years of experience as a professional matchmaker, Janis Spindel has a unique insider’s perspective on contemporary dating culture. All her clients are men, and they tell her exactly what they want in a relationship. Janis offers women a step-by-step plan for winning a man’s heart, such as: ? It’s okay to ask a guy for his number, as long as you do it with confidence ? Don’t wear your work clothes on a date, ever Freshen up before meeting a guy ? Pay him a compliment?he’s human. He?ll love it. Entertaining and empowering, “What Men Really Want” is the next best thing to a private appointment with the nation’s premier matchmaker.

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