Nintendo Switch Isn’t the ‘Ideal’ Platform for Yakuza Games, Says Dev

Yakuza series producer, Daisuke Sato, says the Nintendo Switch is not the “ideal” platform to develop Yakuza games on.

Sato has said that while he might consider releasing the Yakuza games for the Xbox One, the Switch isn’t looking likely, and it’s partially down to the console’s user base.

In an interview with gameblog.fr (per Gematsu‘s translation), Sato said that he’s not convinced Nintendo’s console is the right platform on which to develop Yakuza, because “maybe people don’t expect this kind of game on Switch.”

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Serena isn’t alone with post-baby comeback

While tennis star Serena Williams is the highest-profile athlete to stage a successful return after giving birth, she's certainly not the only woman to do it.

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Nonfiction: Lots of People Love ‘To Kill a Mockingbird.’ Roxane Gay Isn’t One of Them.

Tom Santopietro’s “Why ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ Matters” is painstakingly researched, if substantively and structurally flawed, Roxane Gay writes.
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Next Steph? Trae Young isn’t backing down from challenges

The projected NBA lottery pick went from prodigy to bust in only a matter of weeks. Will he rise again?
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On the Runway: Fashion Gives Its Top Award to a Man Who Says He Isn’t a Designer

The Council of Fashion Designers of America gave top honors to Raf Simons, The Row, Narciso Rodriguez, and — the man behind Supreme?
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Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery’s Biggest Problem Isn’t Its Energy Mechanic

The question “what Hogwarts House would you be in?” is still a conversational ice-breaker among millenials, over 21 years since JK Rowling first let Harry out the cupboard under the stairs.

It’s asked at dinner parties to friends just met; on Tinder to potential suitors; and has become so trusted-a-method of ascertaining one’s character, it’s a wonder it’s not replaced Myers-Briggs. The reason is simple. The only thing that fascinates us more about the labyrinthine corridors of Hogwarts is what it’d be like to walk in them.

So when Jam City announced it was making a Harry Potter mobile RPG that would “make players feel for the first time like they’re attending Hogwarts,” the internet detonated like an erumpent horn. Finally, fans would be able to experience life at Hogwarts – actually seeking adventure in JK Rowling’s rich world, rather than passively reading about it or watching Daniel Radcliffe live it.

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Sorry, Celtics, LeBron James isn’t done yet

The first two games of the East finals hinted at the end of an era. The next two showed that the conference still belongs to LeBron, and he's not giving it up easily.

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Reader’s Notebook: ‘Assume the Worst’: This Isn’t Your Ordinary Graduation Speech

In today’s commencement addresses, as evidenced by recent books, inspiration is sometimes superseded by skepticism.
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How To Make A Sex Playlist That Isn’t Corny As Hell, According To DJs

There’s an art to a solid sex playlist. 🔥
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At Post Office, Amazon Isn’t the Only Big Shipper Getting Discounts

President Trump’s ordered review of the Postal Service’s finances will likely show that Amazon.com isn’t the only one getting a good deal on package deliveries: FedEx and UPS get comparable rates on so-called last-mile parcel delivery.
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The No-Frills Underwear Trend Isn’t Going Away

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9 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Worth Fighting For

Sometimes walking away is the best thing you can do.
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Thanks for Not Sharing! My Fine Dining Isn’t Your Fork Orgy

A writer examines the trend of small plates at restaurants, and why it leaves him hungry for the old ways.
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The Hottest Social Scene in Town Isn’t the Singles’ Bar. It’s the Supermarket.

Supermarkets are finding a new identity as a social hub as traditional hangouts shrink. Parents bring their children to play, retirees gather for Bingo and cheese tastings, and singles pick up first dates along with their produce.
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Why Cash Returning From Overseas Isn’t Likely to Create Jobs—and Might Even Reduce Them

Republican lawmakers say their tax overhaul would spur companies to hire more employees and build factories in the U.S. Yet one key provision, which will free up hundreds of billions of dollars for companies to spend, will probably benefit shareholders, analysts say.
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Your New Business-Class Seat Isn’t Ready, But Here’s a Pillow

United has been marketing its improved Polaris service for over a year, but has been slow installing seats and upgrading airport clubs.
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Gemma Collins says she ISN’T suing the BBC after fall

The TOWIE star won’t sue over fall at Radio 1’s Teen Awards, adding she wants to do Strictly.
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The iPhone 8 Isn’t the Upgrade You’re Looking for

The best thing about the iPhone 8 is that it is entirely avoidable. If you need to have the latest and greatest, wait for the iPhone X. And if you don’t, you can save a chunk of cheese by buying a nearly-as-good iPhone 7.
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Why Amazon Isn’t Ready for Prime Time in China

The American e-commerce giant hasn’t been able to increase its tiny share of the market as Chinese competitors offer many of the same perks without requiring a membership.
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Skin Deep: Salma Hayek Isn’t Trying to Fool Anyone

Why she doesn’t color her hair or follow a strict diet. And: her favorite D.I.Y. face cleanser.
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Rita Ora Isn’t Wearing Your Average Denim Skirt

ESC: Rita Ora, Dare to WearWe’ve said it before and we’ll say it again (and again, and again), denim will never go out of style–mainly becaise there’s never a shortage of new kinds.
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A Hollywood Party Planner Who Isn’t Instagram-Obsessed

For clients like Jeffrey Katzenberg and Reese Witherspoon, Yifat Oren orchestrates events that are, at $ 2,000 a guest, expensive but discreet.
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Blake Lively Insists Her Life Isn’t as “Perfect” as It Looks

Blake Lively, GlamourBlake Lively hates that people think she lives a “perfect” life.
In Glamour’s September issue (on newsstands Aug. 8), she explains why it’s a troublesome notion….

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5 Reasons a $1,400 iPhone Isn’t Crazy

Apple is said to be contemplating a price in the $ 1,000 to $ 1,400 range for its coming 10th-anniversary iPhone—which would be extremely expensive and extremely smart, Christopher Mims says.
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Jennifer Lawrence Isn’t ‘Pretty Enough’ To Play Sharon Tate, According To Tate’s Sister

Debra Tate knew calling out Lawrence’s appearance was “horrible,” but she did it anyway.
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‘To The Bone’ Trailer Presents Anorexia As A White-Only Issue. It Isn’t.

The full film does a better job of showing the diverse array of people affected by eating disorders.
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Ivanka Trump Isn’t Fooling Anyone

She’s trying to “stay out of politics.”

Lifestyle – Esquire

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Hank Baskett Isn’t Ready to Make Peace With Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett’s Mom Just Yet

Kendra Wilkinson, Hank BaskettWhile Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett may be ready to move the relationship with her mother forward, Hank Baskett has other plans.
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Uber Has A New Service And It Isn’t Helping In ‘Jimmy Kimmel’ Spoof

In the wake of Travis Kalanick’s resignation as CEO of Uber, “Jimmy Kimmel Live” decided to give the company a bit of a rebrand on Wednesday.

You know, to make customers forget that the ride-hailing outfit appeared to break a taxi picket line in January and has been subject to numerous allegations of harassment.

We give you Uber Yellow.

Looks familiar, doesn’t it?

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Bill Cosby Isn’t The Exception, He’s The Rule

After 52 hours of deliberations, the jury in the criminal case brought against Bill Cosby by Andrea Constand was unable to reach a unanimous consensus. On Saturday morning, Judge Steven O’Neill declared a mistrial.

Constand says that, in 2004, Cosby tricked her into taking three blue pills that incapacitated her and proceeded to sexually assault her. In December 2015, nearly 10 years after settling a civil suit with Constand in 2006 for an undisclosed sum, Cosby was charged with three counts of aggravated indecent assault. 

Although Cosby wasn’t acquitted, and Montgomery County District Attorney Kevin R. Steele said that he planned to retry the case, a mistrial is unquestionably a win for the 79-year-old actor and comedian. A retrial will take time ― and it means that Constand will have to testify about her trauma again.

Journalist Dana DiFilippo tweeted a video of Cosby supporters celebrating after the mistrial was announced:  

Before the Cosby trial began, justice felt somewhat inevitable. Because in a situation like this one, it just feels like it should be.

A man is publicly accused of sexually assaulting nearly 60 women over the course of decades. The stories are explicit, horrifying and similar. Many of them involve drugging and brutal rape. Together, they paint a picture of a serial and methodical sexual predator who used his celebrity to exploit women. 

As far as the court of public opinion is concerned, Bill Cosby’s guilt was all but decided in late 2014, when the floodgates opened and women’s stories began pouring out on what felt like a near-daily basis. And it felt like, for the first time, people were listening

Of course, this was before the country had collectively propped up a man who bragged about grabbing women’s pussies without consent to our highest office. It was before more than 15 women had publicly accused a candidate for President of the United States of sexual assault with little to no tangible impact on his support.

In the cases of both Cosby and Trump, we’re reminded that women are viewed as unreliable narrators of their own experiences, and that powerful men who are accused of perpetrating sexual violence ― even by more than a dozen women ― are assumed to be victims. 

Barbara Bowman, one Cosby’s alleged victims who has been telling her story publicly since 2006, wrote about this phenomenon in an op-ed for The Washington Post in November 2014, after a Hannibal Burress joke about Cosby seemingly woke people up to the reality of his past: 

Why wasn’t I believed? Why didn’t I get the same reaction of shock and revulsion when I originally reported it? Why was I, a victim of sexual assault, further wronged by victim blaming when I came forward? The women victimized by Bill Cosby have been talking about his crimes for more than a decade. Why didn’t our stories go viral?

Two and a half years later, their stories have gone viral. But the legal outcome remains uncertain. 

The lack of a guilty verdict in this case speaks to the challenges that any alleged victim of sexual assault faces when seeking recourse through the criminal justice system. 

There are the statutes of limitations that prevent victims who wait to speak out from seeking criminal charges. There’s the lack of sensitivity training in some police departments. There’s the backlog of rape kits. There’s the difficult-to-prosecute “he said, she said” nature of many sex crimes. There are the questions victims of sexual assault know that they’ll likely be asked: “Why didn’t you report it sooner?” “Why did you talk to him after?” “Were you drinking?” “What were you wearing?” “Were you maybe kind of asking for it?”

Not only are sexual assaults underreported, but according to RAINN, just 7 out of every 1,000 rapists will see a felony conviction. That statistic doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

Cosby may have had significantly more money and fame and press coverage than most alleged perpetrators of sexual assault and rape. It would be easy to assume that his celebrity is what protected him, that Andrea Constand would have gotten justice if her rapist were anyone else besides “America’s Dad.” But statistically, she wouldn’t have. In many ways, his situation was the exception but at the end of the day, he’s the rule. 

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Lena Dunham Isn’t Joking Anymore With Body-Positive Nude Selfie

Seeing Lena Dunham nude may barely get a rise out of “Girls” viewers who, over five seasons, witnessed the creator push the boundaries of body positivity on the small screen. But Dunham isn’t done exploring (or exposing) herself yet.

On Thursday, she shared an emoji-decorated nude selfie that speaks to her evolving relationship with her body.

Dunham’s perspective has shifted amid her ongoing health battle. Instead of using her body as “fodder for jokes,” now she’s all about feeling comfortable in the skin she’s in. 

In the photo, the “Girls” creator bares it all, highlighting her impressive collection of tattoos, including her Rihanna-inspired “tit chandelier,” while two pear emojis and a honey pot cover some NSFW spots. 

“I spent so many years loving my body but thinking it wasn’t lovable by others ― its sole purpose was to be fodder for jokes. I performed the insult so no one else could,” Dunham wrote in the caption. “I don’t regret any of it ― that’s my art and that was my truth ― but now, at age 31, having been through hell and back with my health and other people’s perceptions of my physicality, I feel deeply comfortable with the idea that this pear-shaped pot of honey is equally good for making people laugh and laying out like a Suicide Girl circa 2004. Love it all.”

A post shared by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) on

The multi-hyphenate creator canceled her Lenny Letter tour last month due health concerns, revealing she’s in the “greatest amount of physical pain” she’s ever experienced. Dunham has long suffered from endometriosis, which has sidelined her in recent weeks, after she was rushed to the emergency room following a red carpet appearance at the Met Gala. 

“After being told I was endometriosis-free after my last procedure, more disease was found in deeper spots that required immediate surgery and now physical therapy,” Dunham wrote in a note on social media after the event. “This disease is wily and unrelenting, and Im really blessed to have a community, both online and IRL, who let me express how hard that is.”

She’s been on the mend since then, spending time with family, resting at home and ― if this nude selfie is any indication ― slowly getting back to normal. 

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John Oliver Warns This Isn’t The End Of The Line For Trump

Those who believe that the growing scandals around President Donald Trump could force him out of office may be in for a big disappointment. 

John Oliver, host of HBO’s “Last Week Tonight,” reminded viewers on Sunday that Trump has survived all of the other controversies that have come his way. 

Why would this be the end of the line for him?” Oliver asked. “Trump has seemed to reach the end of the line on multiple occasions, only for nothing to happen.”

Oliver pointed to various scandals from the campaign, including Trump’s hesitation to disavow former KKK leader David Duke, the time he “bullied a Gold Star family” and the “Access Hollywood” tape as evidence.  

“We all thought the next stop on that bus was ― you guessed it ― the end of the fucking line,” Oliver said. “But it seems like when it comes to President Trump, he’s always approaching the end of the line but it never seems to come. As if for him, and him alone, the end of the line is drawn by M.C. Fucking Escher.” 

Oliver dubbed the latest scandal involving Trump revealing code-word classified information to Russian officials in the Oval Office as “Stupid Watergate,” and urged viewers not to ignore everything else that was going on, such as Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ move to undo criminal justice reforms, the administration’s proposed cuts to Medicaid and a possible plan to end key Obamacare subsidies

See his full discussion above. 

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Stephen Colbert Explains Why Trump’s Firing Of Comey Isn’t Really Like ‘The Godfather’

President Donald Trump’s firing of FBI director James Comey has been likened to a classic scene from “The Godfather.”

Following Comey’s dismissal on Tuesday, one senior intelligence official told NBC News that the “thuggish” and “humiliating” way in which his termination was carried out was like a “horse head in the bed.”

It was “designed to send a message,” the official added.

But on Friday’s “Late Show,” host Stephen Colbert explained why the comparison wasn’t actually that accurate ― and it’s all to do with one of Godfather Don Corleone’s favorite personality traits: respect.

Find out the reason in the clip above.

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Chrissy Teigen Isn’t Ashamed To Admit She Got Armpit Liposuction

There’s no shame in Chrissy Teigen’s game. 

She’s Snapchatted her stretchmarks and reinvigorated nationwide conversations about postpartum depression, so why would anyone expect the supermodel to play bashful now?

Speaking recently with Refinery 29 in conversation about her beauty regimen, Teigen revealed she underwent liposuction surgery for her armpits nearly a decade ago to boost her self-confidence.

“I had an armpit sucked out, which was one of the best things. It’s a big secret, but I don’t care. It was nine years ago or so,” she told the outlet. “And I had two inches to my armpit. Now it’s back though, so now I’ve gotta pay for [liposuction] again. It was so easy. It made me feel better in dresses; I felt more confident. It was the dumbest, stupidest thing I’ve ever done. The dumbest, but I like it, whatever. I have no regrets, honestly.”

Teigen also joked with Byrdie that everything about her “except my cheeks” is fake ― a comment some publications appeared to take as fact, painting the 31-year-old as a plastic surgery fiend. She later took Twitter to clarify her comments and state that she has only undergone surgery on her armpits. 

“Reminder to never ever joke, ever (I did do the armpits, no regrets except it clearly came back),” Teigen tweeted alongside screen grab of a Daily Mail article.

“You think I’d have this ass if I’d done extensive work?” she continued in a follow up tweet. “Like who would ask for this ass.”

We think body positivity queen Ariel Winter said it best in her reply over Twitter: “Dead.”

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When Chrissy Teigen Isn’t At The Met Gala, She Just Wants To Watch ‘Really Bad Television’

Of all the celebrities in Hollywood, Chrissy Teigen ranks pretty high on the list of those you’d want to share a drink with.

Unfortunately, it was only 11 a.m. when HuffPost sat down with the 31-year-old model, cookbook author and social media darling as she promoted her new partnership with Smirnoff No. 21 Vodka. 

Teigen was her usual candid self, telling HuffPost she’s a vodka soda kind of girl, because “when I’m drinking, I want to drink” and “honestly, I’m not good at the shaking.” 

She’s a “big fan of anything pretty unpretentious,” which is definitely the vibe of the series of commercials she shot for Smirnoff

Teigen is relatable, and that’s the reason so many people adore her. On evenings she’s not wearing a Marchesa gown to the Met Gala, she and husband John Legend know how to do nights in right. 

“I love watching ‘Black Mirror.’ We sit down, we kind of love to binge-watch TV shows,” she said. “I just finished watching ‘13 Reasons Why.’ I love to be able to cook and see the television from the kitchen and, you know, have a good drink in my hand and just enjoy the night together by way of really bad television.”

Tweets like the one above, which garnered close to 40,000 likes, make Teigen even more accessible, as her inner monologue is consistently being broadcast to fans.

A perfect example of this: After a drink-filled night at the Grammys, Teigen tweeted out a clip of herself making ramen and posted a video on Snapchat of Legend helping her remove her jewelry. 

Not surprisingly, those drunken posts were a big hit with her followers. But Teigen told HuffPost she’s careful not to make it a habit. 

“I don’t say anything that’s going to get me into trouble, unless it’s something that I very much believe in,” she said. “But no, no drunken tweeting. Snapchat can be really fun because people see that they are a part of your life.”

She continued, “But even then you still need to keep in mind that you need to be a good example for everybody and you never want to say anything that’s going to hurt anybody. Just always know that these things are forever.”

Never change, Chrissy. 

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Style – The Huffington Post
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Elisabeth Moss Isn’t Too Subtle About the Trump-Handmaid’s Tale Connection

She debuted a clip with Stephen Colbert last night.

Lifestyle – Esquire

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Fashion Store Calls This A ‘Chandelier Head Clip,’ And Twitter Isn’t Happy

A maang tikka, known to some as a tikli, is a traditional South Asian accessory typically worn by brides from the center part of their hair to the forehead, over the ajna chakra.

It symbolizes the bride’s third eye as well as the union between two people on a spiritual, physical and emotional level, according to BollywoodShaadis.com.

So when ASOS, a British-based fashion retailer, put one up for sale on its website and labeled it a “chandelier hair clip,” many people of South Asian descent were not OK.

South Asian and Hindu accessories have been the target of cultural appropriation for a while, but especially since the rise of trendy “festival wear.”

The bindi, for example, is typically worn by South Asian women to signify their marital status, to remind them of prayer or, like the maang tikka, mark the anja shakra. Today, some people wear it just to look cool at Coachella.

But ASOS’ apparent rebranding of the tikka was the last straw for many people.

Some people assumed the company was too lazy to learn the South Asian accessory’s real name. Others wanted ASOS to drop the “chandelier” nonsense and call it what it is.

“Dear @ASOS,” one Twitter user wrote. “If you really want to be a cultural appropriation enabler, the least you can do is call it a Tikka, not a chandelier hair clip!!”

Aisha Haque, a Bengali woman in London who goes by @ashlibob on Twitter, was one of the first people to call ASOS out on its “chandelier hair clip,” according to Globalnews.ca.

She told the Canadian news site that ASOS, much like many other fashion companies, gets away with appropriating a culture she holds dear.

“You can’t just blatantly take something from another culture and give no acknowledgment. That is highly offensive,” Haque told Globalnews.ca.

“These big companies get away with it again and again,” she added. “I’d like to tell people to start understanding what cultural appropriation is and that it’s very much okay to make noise when you see it happening.”

At the very least, ASOS appears to have noticed the chandelier backlash.

As of Thursday evening, the “Faux Pearl Chandelier Hair Clip” was no longer available on the ASOS website, but slightly similar products, including one named the “Orelia Semi Precious Festival Hair Tika” were.

ASOS did not immediately return The Huffington Post’s request for comment.

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Style – The Huffington Post
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Critic’s Notebook: A Wheelchair on Broadway Isn’t Exploitation. It’s Progress.

Some people are calling Sam Gold’s “The Glass Menagerie” manipulative. I call it vital theater.
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Cowboys suffer losses to open free agency, but hope isn’t lost yet

Cowboys suffer losses to open free agency, but hope isn’t lost yet
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Valve Isn’t Interested in Developing for Consoles Right Now

Don’t expect to see Valve-developed games come to consoles anytime soon, as company founder Gabe Newell has come forward to express the company’s lack of interest in developing for restrictive platforms.

Speaking at a media roundtable event at the studio’s offices (via Eurogamer) Newell said, “We get really frustrated working in walled gardens.”

While the company released several games for consoles last generation, including Portal 2 and The Orange Box, Valve has so far shown no public interest in bringing its games to PS4 or Xbox One, despite console hardware sales being even better this generation.

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Joe Biden Isn’t Just Tackling Cancer with the Launch of the Biden Foundation

He remains optimistic, in more ways than one.

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Sorry, But Will & Grace’s Revival Isn’t a Done Deal Yet, Debra Messing Says

Will and Grace, Will & GraceWill & Grace’s return isn’t exactly nigh, according to series star Debra Messing. Messing took to Twitter to shoot down reports of a series revival pick-up that were stoked by Will…

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Ranger Up Freedom Isn’t Free Men’s Normal Fit T-Shirt

Ranger Up Freedom Isn’t Free Men’s Normal Fit T-Shirt


This shirt proudly shows VETERAN over the front left breast of the shirt (we said breast…heh, heh…) with the back stating “Freedom isn’t Free. I paid for it.”This shirt meets two awesome intents. One – We at Ranger Up firmly believe that every sailor, airman, coast guardsman, marine and soldier owns a piece of this country, paid for in his or her blood, sweat, tears, and time away from family and friends. We think this shirt celebrates that.Two – this shirt will aggravate the crap out of the people we hate. “Who do they think they are? Like he really paid for anything. All he did was propogate unbridled American aggression for oil…blah blah blah” We love it when these people are unhappy and this shirt will drive em nuts! Need to buy in bulk or on government contract? Just email us and we will be glad to send you a quote.
List Price: $ 19.99
Price: $ 18.19

Ashley Graham Isn’t Bad, She’s Just Drawn That Way

It’s Day 26 of the LOVE Advent Calendar.

Style – Esquire

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Sadly, ‘Puppy’ Isn’t Merriam-Webster’s Word Of The Year

Surreal” is Merriam-Webster’s (yes, the dictionary) word of the year.

The announcement comes after Oxford Dictionaries’ choice of “post-truth” and Dictionary.com’s choice of “xenophobia” for their respective Word of the Year picks.

Merriam-Webster defines surreal as “marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream,” with its synonyms being unbelievable and fantastic.

The dictionary publisher established their choice due to the high volume of lookups “surreal” received in 2016.

The word spiked after the Brussels terror attacks in March, the coup attempt in Turkey, the terrorist attack in Nice, and the U.S. election in November, according to the site.

Merriam-Webster editor at large Peter Sokolowski noted in a press release how unusual it was that the word had been so frequently searched.

“Historically, surreal has been one of the words most searched after tragedy, most notably in the days following 9/11, but it was associated with a wide variety of stories this year,” he said.

“Surreal” was an even more surprising winner for Word of the Year when you consider that both “puppy,” “flummadiddle,” and “fascism” were all trending this month. “Fascism” was leading the pack for a while, but in an effort to, you know, not have “fascism” be the Word of the Year, the folks at Merriam-Webster sent out a call to arms to ask people to search literally anything else.

But don’t worry: this election was not rigged. Merriam-Webster assured us all weeks ago that they’d select a winner appropriately.

“Our Word of the Year cannot be rigged. We encourage people to look up new words at all times, particularly if those words are strange 19th-century Americanisms or words for adorable doll-like creatures, but our Word of the Year is based on year-over-year increase in lookups,” they said on their site. “We look for a word which got a high number of lookups and increased dramatically in popularity when compared to previous years.”

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Golden Globes’ Surprises & Snubs: Finding Dory Gets Lost, Tom Hanks Isn’t Flying High

The 2017 Golden Globe nominations are here, and although a few big names earned awards buzz leading up to the noms, they won’t have a shot at the prestigious award.

A few lesser known films, television shows and actors, however, pulled some out-of-left-field nods (congrats to Sing Street and Aaron Taylor-Johnson!).

Here’s who will have – and who should have had – a chance at a Golden Globe award on Jan. 8.

Films

Snub: Denzel Washington

Although the Oscar winner was recognized for his acting in Fences, his directing work for the 1950s-set drama failed to secure him a nomination or a best motion picture drama honor. While Damien Chazelle (La La Land) and Mel Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge) earned their predicted nods, Tom Ford’s work for Nocturnal Animals may be the surprise that knocked Washington out of the running.

Surprise: Deadpool

The superhero comedy starring Ryan Reynolds got lots of love from the Golden Globes, earning major nods in best motion picture – musical or comedy, and best performance by an actor in a motion picture – musical or comedy. The film took home the award for Best Comedy Sunday night at the Critics’ Choice Awards, but don’t expect Wade Wilson to walk away with an Oscar nod — the Globes honor more films by splitting drama and comedy/musical into separate categories.

Snub: Finding Dory

The Pixar sequel fans waited 13 years for just couldn’t find its way into the Golden Globe nominations. The forgetful yet lovable fish voiced by Ellen DeGeneres scored with reviewers and at the box office (it’s earned over $ 1 billion worldwide), but was edged out in a year full of strong contenders in the best animated feature film category, including Disney’s Moana as well as the lesser known French import My Life as a Zucchini.

Surprise: Sing Street

No one saw this Irish import sitting next to Deadpool and La La Land in the best motion picture – musical or comedy category. The Sundance darling written, co-produced and directed by John Carney (Once) features original music combined with popular songs that complement the movie’s 1980s setting. For Sing Street, the nomination is likely the prize.

Snub: Tom Hanks

The veteran actor already has eight Golden Globe nominations — with half as many wins — under his belt, but he won’t add another for Sully, in which he played pilot Chesley Burnett “Sully” Sullenberger during the 2009 “miracle on the Hudson.”

Snub: Silence

Martin Scorsese‘s 30-years-in-the-making passion project was completely shut out of the nominations despite predictions for best motion picture – drama and best director. Star Andrew Garfield scored a nomination, but it was for his role in Mel Gibson’s directorial return, Hacksaw Ridge.

Snub: The Birth of a Nation

Nothing. The period drama that ignited Hollywood with fiery hype before being engulfed in controversy (there was outrage directed at filmmaker Nate Parker over his involvement in a college rape trial) was completely dismissed from the nominations. The film fizzled at the box office as well, earning just $ 7.1 million in its opening weekend.

Television

Leading the pack this year was no surprise, The People v. O.J.: American Crime Story with five nominations, followed by Westworld and The Crown both with three.

It was impossible to ignore the boom of Netflix considering its two breakout shows, Stranger Things and The Crown, both of which received a nomination in best television series – drama. The Crown’s Claire Foy also landed a nom for best performance by an actress in a TV series – drama, as well as Winona Ryder for Stranger Things. However, Netflix’s darling Orange is the New Black was completely absent for the first time since its debut.

The 2017 Golden Globes will be held on Jan. 8, with Jimmy Fallon hosting the show.

 


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Kate Beckinsale: ‘Love & Friendship’ Isn’t Your Typical Jane Austen Adaptation

“Love & Friendship” isn’t your average Jane Austen adaptation. During a special Los Angeles screening of the romantic drama, director Whit Stillman emphasized that his take on Austen is notably different from those of predecessors. He joined leading lady Kate Beckinsale at the DGA Theatre in West Hollywood Tuesday to introduce the very first film based on Austen’s… Read more »

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The Garmin Vívomove Isn’t a Smartwatch. It’s a Smarter Watch

How about instead of “smart,” we just make watches more observant? The post The Garmin Vívomove Isn’t a Smartwatch. It’s a Smarter Watch appeared first on WIRED.
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3 Reasons Tightening Movie Theater Security isn’t the Answer

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Visiting an actual movie theater for the first time in years was a strange, if not relatively unpleasant experience. The snack bar girl itched red welts on her arms that made me wary of seat cushion bedbugs. Movie previews advertised a phone app alerting older people with sensitive bladders when a boring scene came on so they could go pee.

The fact that hatchet wielding, gun toting maniacs have chosen movie theaters as locations for bloodbaths in Aurora Colorado (12 killed/ 70 injured/ Batman/ 2012), Lafayette, LA ( 2 killed/ 9 wounded/ Trainwreck/ July 2015) and Nashville, Tenessee (1 hatchet scraping/Fury Road/August 2015) feels slightly absurd. Mainstream movie theater audience members in the majority of theaters across the country are often the elderly, children and other individuals with an occasional old school fetish for real movie theaters. Movie theaters are no longer locations that seem ingrained in the American psyche. Few people can imagine themselves being bludgeoned in a movie theater, because fewer people go.

Tightening Big Brother style security in these locations will ensure even fewer people go, and movie theaters will deteriorate more. It is an ineffective, knee jerk, band aid reaction to what is hopefully a passing copycat lunatic fad. However, theaters across the country are setting new security measures in stone.

Regal Cinemas recently instituted mandatory bag checks in its 156 theaters nationwide. Showcase Cinemas (owned by National Amusements), in Connecticut completely banned backpacks and packages. Off the charts security measures ranging from metal detectors to TSA scans in movie theaters are being proposed by everyone from legislators to CEO’s.

Tighter security measures may border on civil rights violations, paves the way for 1984 brand mechanisms to be put in place in public spaces and deteriorates our chances of retaining our humanity. Turning public places into fortresses ultimately increases tension and escalates, rather than deters, violence.

The appropriate response to surreal madness is not to match it with more surreal madness. Here are some reasons why….

Three Reasons Tightening Movie Theater Security isn’t the Answer


1) Bag Searches are a Killjoy:
There is pleasure left in movie theaters—particularly in art theaters in larger cities that have retained old school style and charm. It’s still possible to sit in a theater and fantasize about being magically transformed into the lusty heroine on the screen, to become transfixed by an elegant landscape, enamored with the amplified echo of ice cubes clinking in crystalline glasses of scotch.

Security rifling through your bags can put a serious damper in the dreamscape of movie theaters. (They also make it impossible to bring bootleg store bought jolly ranchers and sour patch kids through the door.)

More importantly, bag searches just set precedence for more interference. Although airports may be appropriate places for metal detectors, TSA scans and the occasional body cavity search–movie theaters are not.

2) These Responses are Profoundly Ineffective. No axe wielding, gun toting, pepper spray sporting disgruntled American wanna be cartoon villain or psychopath is going to be deterred by a bag search. James Holmes walked out a back door in Aurora to get his weapons and reentered the theater through the same door with them before opening fire. Lafayette’s John “Rusty” Russel Houser had a gun on his person but left and returned through a side door. Vincente Montano, admittedly, did bring his pepper spray and hatchet in two backpacks—but if back checks were instituted, it’s likely he would have found another way.

Doing bag checks is a silly gesture, at best. Movie theater security staff peeking into bags will do nothing to keep weapons out. It will only make patrons more anxious.

3) There are bigger fish to fry here. Ramping up security anywhere a mentally impaired, deranged, racist or psychotic person has gone on a rampage and killed people in the US in recent years would require psycho security in elementary schools, churches, synagogues, as well as movie theaters. Creating more barriers as a reaction to large scale violence is fruitless. Maniacs can slip through the cracks anywhere, and there are no barriers without cracks. Turning ourselves into a well walled country, gives us even less of a chance to address deeper problems and retain our dignity as people. We should not be looking at how to fortify ourselves against gun violence, or mentally ill people running amok, after the fact—but addressing the underlying causes of those issues, first, before the chaos occurs. The fact that we aren’t is sad.

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When Your Partner’s Self-Centeredness Isn’t Explained By Narcissism

Sometimes I see individuals in therapy, or couples in couples’ counseling, where one partner continues to insist that something is “just wrong” with the other.  Usually, they are referring to a lack of empathy and a self-absorbed nature, but also a person whose behavior just seems “weird” or “off.”  This person often seems very selfish and mean, but there is also this niggling feeling that he or she genuinely doesn’t intend to be this way, and literally does not understand how reciprocal intimate relationships generally work.

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Often, these people think that their partners must be narcissists.  They identify with both the Mr. Perfect and His Crazy Wife dynamic and the Wife Who Wants More and Her Annoyingly Satisfied Husband dynamic.  They believe that their partner acts self-absorbed because he was raised by narcissists, or because he is defending against low self-esteem or insecurity.  But, despite all of these explanations, they still feel like something doesn’t add up.  For instance, the supposedly narcissistic partner is not charming and able to manipulate social interactions, but instead often seems awkward or uncomfortable around others.  And their rude comments often don’t seem to be rooted in an actual desire to be mean.  In fact, they often have no idea why others take offense to what was just a “factual” comment.  These social/emotional deficits bring us to another possibility: Asperger’s.

Asperger’s is no longer a formal diagnosis in the DSM, and is now considered part of the autism spectrum, and diagnosed as “Autism Spectrum Disorder.”  But here’s what its symptoms used to be:

  • average or above-average intelligence
  • difficulties with high-level language skills such as verbal reasoning, problem solving, making inferences and predictions
  • difficulties in empathizing with others
  • problems with understanding another person’s point of view
  • difficulties engaging in social routines such as conversations and ‘small talk’
  • problems with controlling feelings such as anger, depression and anxiety
  • a preference for routines and schedules which can result in stress or anxiety if a routine is disrupted
  • specialised fields of interest or hobbies

There is also a new diagnosis now, Social (Pragmatic) Communication Disorder, that is also similar to many of the criteria in Asperger’s, and it focuses on an inability to understand the social rules of conversation, difficulty picking up on others’ verbal and nonverbal cues, and a lack of understanding of nuance and ambiguity in interactions.

The overlap of self-centeredness can prevent easy differentiation between the disorders, and some clients, like this guy, come in having done a lot of research and can’t figure out whether they are narcissistic or Aspies.  Here are some examples of how interactions tend to go with each:

Wife: My clothes don’t fit anymore.

Narcissist: Well, maybe you should work out like I do.

Aspie: Well, maybe you should work out like I do.

The same, right?  But then it diverges:

Wife: Why are you always so mean?

Narcissist: Look, I’m sorry, but you know you aren’t motivated to work out and sometimes I’m just tired of hearing you complain.

Wife: Do you even feel attracted to me anymore?

Narcissist: I mean…. yeah, of course.  But you know, it’s been a while since the baby was born, and you yourself don’t feel comfortable at this weight.

Note that the narcissist knows how his statement made his partner feel, and was actually manipulating the interaction to capitalize on this insecurity for his own benefit, which would be getting a more attractive partner that reflects better on him.  But here’s how the interaction would continue with an Aspie.

Aspie: What?

Wife:  What do you mean ‘What?’  You know I just wanted you to be reassuring.

Aspie: Then why did you ask?  I can never do anything right.

Wife: I’m upset!  Why are you just STANDING THERE?

Aspie: What do you want from me?  What am I supposed to do?

Wife: I told you!  People need affection and love when they are upset!  We even read that book.

Aspie: But you’re yelling at me.

Wife: [cries, or walks out]

Aspie [goes back to what he was doing, sad that his wife is so sensitive and unpredictable and his marriage is not easy]

As you see, in this case, the spouse slips easily into a role where she is explaining how interactions are “supposed to” work.  This is a usual dynamic for them.  His comment about her weight was not half as bad as the fact that he isn’t even aware why it would upset her.  Then that wasn’t half as bad as that she has told him one million times that he should hug her when she is upset, and he doesn’t remember, or he doesn’t seem to care.

A narcissist usually knows what’s going on in his relationship.  He or she can understand another person’s insecurities and exploit them for good or bad ends.  The narcissist also requires a lot of admiration and affirmation.  The narcissist can be self-centered in bed, but can usually act and even feel both romantic and passionate, particularly when being admired, as in the honeymoon stage of a relationship.  Narcissists CAN empathize with others, but often choose not to, because these other people are not as important as the narcissist.

An Aspie often has no idea why partners act as they do.  Other people’s emotions are a mystery.  The Aspie doesn’t require excessive admiration, and if they brag about their accomplishments, it’s not to get a response but because they think it’s the facts.  The Aspie doesn’t usually feel much in the way of romantic passion, and if you look back to your early courtship, it’s like that the non-Aspie partner always felt this, and may have invented romance in their own mind.  Aspies are UNABLE to empathize in a deep way with other people, particularly other adults with complex emotions (although they are often good with small children or animals).  Therefore, they can love, but their partners often do not feel known or understood on a deep level.

Here’s some more examples to discriminate between Aspies and narcissists.

Narcissist: I need you to come with me to my work dinner, even though it’s when you were going out with friends.

Spouse: But you didn’t give me any notice.

Narcissist: Do you understand that everyone’s partner will be there?  This isn’t some Girls’ Night Out that you can reschedule.

….versus…

Aspie: I’m going to my work dinner and I know you have plans so I didn’t ask you to come.

Spouse: Wait, what?  Is this an important thing?  Are spouses coming?

Aspie: Yes but you had plans so I didn’t ask.

Spouse: I mean, do you want me there?

Aspie: You have plans.

And here’s an example of why relationships with narcissists can be addictive:

Narcissist: You looked so hot tonight.  All the guys wanted to take you home, but you’re all mine.  I knew I loved you since I saw you in the dining hall in college.

…versus….

Aspie: Thanks for coming to my work dinner.  What time is your alarm set for in the morning?  I have an early conference call.

The narcissist knows exactly how to get a mood going.  He is buoyed by the success of taking you out and showing you off.  He can then become wrapped up in your love story and knows how to convey this to you.  The Aspie is happy you came to his work dinner.  Another note: both of them want to have sex that evening.  Sadly, only one of them will.

Often, Aspies look fairly normal at work and may even have many friends, but if you look closely, the relationships at work and with friends are usually based on shared interests and not much emotional connection.  (Many men are like this, but sometimes they do have deeper, emotional conversations, even couched with humor. We are talking about the situation where you cannot even visualize your partner having an intimate emotional discussion with anyone, even a sibling or parent.)  Also, in more superficial interactions, the Aspie can fake it.  He has frequently learned social scripts to deploy in common situations.  But intimate relationships are more complex, so he will often use the same script in multiple situations with a partner, but this comes off discordant, insensitive, or robotic.  For instance, many Aspies will follow the same pattern in all sexual encounters, or during most phone calls.

If you realize that you are married to an Aspie, there is hope and a lot of reading material, likeMarriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder).  But the prognosis is usually best if the Aspie knows what he is working with and is open about how his behavior is not normative.  Then, he can intellecually empathize with his partner’s unfulfilled need for the emotionality, romance, and connection he is not providing.  Aspie spouses have many strengths, like stability, predictability, faithfulness, strong work ethics, and strong moral codes.  Aspies of both genders usually don’t affiliate with traditional gender roles, so this isn’t the guy that will refuse to do housework out of some ego thing, or the woman who won’t change a tire out of a notion that she shouldn’t have to. (However, if you’re turned on by a take-charge guy or a flirtatious woman, your spouse is likely not that.)  Aspies are also often very kind, and try not to hurt anyone.

Couples counseling can help you and your Aspie partner accept and make sense of your dynamic, as well as give you concrete tools for communication and help guide the Aspie to better express himself verbally and emotionally, as well as how to pick up on your cues.  Whatever you decide, looking through an Asperger’s lens often makes sense of a relationship that previously seemed completely confusing and hopeless.

Last points:  Remember that everything is a spectrum.  Your Aspie may not be this severe, but if something feels “off,” it’s worth thinking about this more, because it can make you feel better and more tender and understanding to your partner.  Also, it is worthwhile to introspect about why you subconsciously chose your Aspie.  It is likely that a parent was, if not Aspie, emotionally tone-deaf, and your deep seated fantasy was always to have them change their behavior to meet your needs.

Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Also It’s Often Comorbid with Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD.

This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family.

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Maddie Ziegler Isn’t the Only Stylish Dance Moms Star—Meet the Other Girls With Killer Off-Stage Style

The first kid to go mainstream from the Abby Lee Dance Company was undoubtedly Maddie Zieger—she counts a hit Sia music video as her breakout moment, and now she’s doing stuff like dancing fall trends for Glamour (awesome, right?). And while we heart the 12-year-old enough to invite her to guest-Instagram for us during last week’s Teen Choice Awards, it’s time to acknowledge the other Dance Moms stars with cute style out of the studio.

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Maddie’s 11-year-old little sister, Mackenzie, seen on the left, has been taking style cues from her big sis, picking sweet, bright pieces that are totally age-appropriate. We sense a future shoe addict too—check out those metallic peep-toes!

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ALDC alum Chloe Lukasiak, 14, might not have appeared on the show’s most recent episodes, but her style hasn’t changed one bit. For the TCAs, she picked a Lublu Kira Plastinina skirt and Sabo Skirt top, a perfect example of the bright, feminine pieces she frequently rocks.


And while she’s not on the show anymore, Chloe still makes time to hang with former dance classmates, including Nia Frazier. Moonlighting as a movie video star between her dance competitions, the 14-year-old is used to super-fierce costumes. For time off, though, it’s all about easy basics like these cheerful printed shorts and bright tank.


A photo posted by Kalani Hilliker (@23kalanih) on

Even at 14, Kalani Hilliker, on the right, has trend-driven style that incorporates plenty seasonal must-haves (like this suede a-line mini, a number we’re loving this fall for transitional styling). Her taste level has resulted in a professional gig too: Along with dancing competitively, she’s got a special collection with tween retailer Mod Angel.


A photo posted by Kendall K Vertes (@kk22xo) on

Kendall Vertes, seen with Maddie on her left, wears the type of comfortable clothes you’d expect a serious 12-year-old dancer to rock when she’s out of a leotard: cute pieces with bright, fun prints that don’t look too constricting. Once she lost the statement sunnies, she could totally bust a move in this cute romper.

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As one of the youngest members of the crew, JoJo Siwa, 11, has a youthful style that shows a lot of super bright colors, flirty cuts, and, yup, her signature hair bow. While standout hair accessories aren’t for everyone, it brings up a super-smart style message: Find what you love and make it your own.



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How to Deal When Your Partner Isn’t as Spiritual as You

I have a confession to make.

Somewhere around 4 to 5 months into my most recent relationship I seriously considered breaking it off. The whole dynamic of me being the “spiritual one” and him not being spiritual — well, at all — just wasn’t quite working for me. How could we make it work when we couldn’t see eye to eye?

So I wanted to breakup. End it. Be done with it.

This decision of potentially ending this relationship made me quite distressed so I started discussing it with various coaches and counselors.

“Well, that really depends…”

“Yeah, I think you’re ready for this relationship to end… “

“It sounds like you’re stuck in this place and you’re ready for a change…”

I would hear them say.

Though this advice resonated with me on some level, it still didn’t feel quite “right” to me. So I decided to do nothing and continued on with the relationship, despite continuing to feel troubled by this whole “I’m spiritual and he’s not” thing.

Then one day I was listening to a mentor of mine giving a talk about relationships and someone had told her, “I’m so frustrated. My boyfriend isn’t nearly as spiritual as me.” With those words I perked up and leaned in closer, giving this exchange my full attention. “How do I deal when my boyfriend isn’t as spiritual as me?” she asked.

My mentor looked at her with her piercing brown eyes and said…

“You gotta worry about your own side of the street, honey.”

“You’re only in control of yourself,” she continued, “And he is on his own spiritual path. All you can do is to do the spiritual work yourself, be the light and he will gradually come to his own understanding in his own way and on his own time.”

I was immediately skeptical. How on earth is that going to work?, I thought to myself. This guy wants to get into religious and spiritual debates with me. He isn’t out to understand and accept — he’s only out to “win” his point.

But despite these thoughts, there was a sense, a voice deep down in the core of my being that said, “Just do it and you’ll see.”

And so I did just that.

I stopped worry about him and started working on myself. I started meditating daily. I began reading more spiritual texts. I started to really implement the work into my life.

I never once preached my beliefs to him or share with him anything that he didn’t already express some interest or curiosity in. And if he wanted to debate religion and spirituality I simply set a boundary stating that I didn’t want to talk about it.

I just focused on myself and did my own thing.

And over time, something amazing happened…

We started meditating together.

We started going to yoga classes together.

He started asking me about some of the books I was reading.

Somehow, miraculously, he became more open and accepting.

And you know what else?

Gradually the arguments became fewer and fewer. And we became closer and closer.

Our love deepened and we somehow became more comfortable with each other and more in love than we were before.

Our relationship progressed to a whole new level. A level that neither one of us have ever experienced with another person before.

All because I decided to completely focus on working on myself and not him.

So how did I do it and how can you do it if you’re in this situation as well? Here’s a few tips:

1. Recognize that the whole “I’m right and you’re wrong” mentality is nothing but your ego.

So when you catch yourself getting into that frame of thinking, just recognize it and let it go.

2. Set boundaries.

If you see your partner getting into the whole “you’re right I’m wrong” mentality, then set a boundary with them. Say something like, “Honey I love you, but because I love you I don’t think we should be talking about this right now” and walk away or go in the other room.

3. Be the light.

Like Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Do the spiritual work that you need to do for yourself and, over time, maybe your partner will start to wonder, Hey! What is she doing for herself? Cause it seems to work. I better check this out.

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Click to Tweet: “Be the change you want to see in the world” ~ Gandhi via @jenilyn8705

And if they don’t, so what? It doesn’t matter because all that matters at the end of the day is that you are being a channel for your own inner transformation — and that makes all the difference.

In the comments below, share with me one thing that you are going to commit to doing on a regular basis so that you can be “the change you wish to see.”

Jennifer is a self and relationship coach and the founder of JenniferTwardowski.com. Her mission is to help women create loving relationships with both others and themselves. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation and weekly blog updates. To learn about how you can work with her, click here.

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World Isn’t Worth Saving if the Price is a Tear of an Innocent Child

If someone told me that I would have a reason to bring up the names of Pope Francis and Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy in the same sentence, I would have highly doubted it. But, here it is.

A NY Times editorials article, “Justice Kennedy on Solitary Confinement”, talks about Justice Kennedy addressing “what has become one of his most pressing concerns: America’s broken criminal justice system in general, and prolonged solitary confinement in particular.” Making his point, Justice Kennedy quotes the Russian writer Fyodor Dostoyevsky: “The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.”

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A few years ago, Pope Francis surprised many of us by bringing up the name of Dostoyevsky, as well. In an interview, the Pope claimed him as his favorite writer. After all, that shouldn’t be a big surprise, considering the issues of justice and morality, which are central themes of Dostoyevsky’s writings. In his famous novel, The Brothers Karamazov, one of the characters says that the whole world is not worth saving if the price is one tear of an innocent child. At this point, I urge you to check out the Art Talk website to see the photos by Richard Ross accompanying my program — the photos depicting children incarcerated in American juvenile detention facilities.
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Distinguished Professor of Art at UC Santa Barbara, Richard Ross published in recent years two important photography books relevant to this subject — in 2012, Juvenile in Justice, and then a follow-up in 2015, Girls in Justice. Be warned, some of these images can break your heart.
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Ross was able to gain access to various American juvenile detention facilities, where kids as young as 10 are being incarcerated for an unreasonably long period of time — sometimes even in isolation. Part of the deal with detention authorities was that the kids’ faces in these photographs should be blurred or not seen at all. Still, their body language and the way Ross composed his images speak loudly about the emotional devastation of this experience.
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These images walk a fine line between documentary and an artistic statement, without diminishing the power of either. As a result, we are compelled to look at them, and to look at them again, paying attention to every detail, trying to comprehend what is going on with these kids. I wonder what Pope Francis and Justice Kennedy would have to say about these photos.
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I’ve heard Richard Ross passionately debating this issue with the theater director and UCLA Professor Peter Sellars twice — last year, in a UCLA auditorium, and recently at The Hammer Museum. But, that is not enough. It’s time to see these powerful photographs in a well-organized exhibition here, in one of Southern California’s museums.
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To learn about Edward’s Fine Art of Art Collecting Classes, please visit his website. You can also read The New York Times article about his classes here, or an Artillery Magazine article about Edward and his classes here.

___________

Edward Goldman is an art critic and the host of Art Talk, a program on art and culture for NPR affiliate KCRW 89.9 FM. To listen to the complete show and hear Edward’s charming Russian accent, click here.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Arts – The Huffington Post
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Why Working Out Isn’t the Key to Weight Loss

Diet advice has, for decades, relied on gimmicks that promote easy, painless—and fictitious—weight loss. Now, new strategies are based on hard truths and real results.
The latest from allure.com
Letting down your guard and going in the sun is like being on a blind date: Things seem fine enough until—oh God, it’s so painful. Relieve a sunburn, prevent it from happening again, and as for that guy going on about his ex? You’re on your own with that one (sorry).
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MillionaireMatch.com – the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!

Meet The People Ensuring Black Lives Matter Isn’t Just A Hashtag

WASHINGTON — Facilitating meaningful conversations about race isn’t an easy feat, but a local collaborative effort is up to the challenge.

Black Lives/White Light and TABLETRIBES, a D.C.-based tech startup, are coupling art and technology to create The Radius Project, which aims to take conversations surrounding Black Lives Matter beyond newsfeeds and comment sections.

The collaborative is setting up three panel discussions in the Washington, D.C., area in hopes of turning online interactions into more meaningful face-to-face conversations .

“A meaningful face-to-face conversation is a singular point of contact that has the power to activate a ripple effect in our communities,” Hosan Lee, the founder and CEO of TABLETRIBES, told The Huffington Post. “If we all work together, how far outwards can we extend the radius of progress?”

Pretty far, it seems. The Radius Project grew from a series of four discussion panels following Black Lives/White Light’s April exhibition showcasing the artwork of eight white artists. Sheldon Scott and Deirdre Darden, two D.C. artists who curated the exhibit, hoped the show would introduce an alternative perspective to the conversation surrounding the Black Lives Matter movement.

“For me, Black Lives Matter — way before it became this social media movement, before it became a hashtag — it’s always been a part of my work,” Scott said. “We’ve been saying these things for years about … mistreatment and injustices.”

Black Lives Matter has achieved global reach, he added. This influence inspired Scott to seek out white artists who may not have been aware of racialized police brutality before seeing the hashtag and see how they would respond to the movement artistically.

It worked. Powerful, conflicting reactions to the April exhibit encouraged Scott and Darden to set up the panels to continue delving into how America confronts race and justice and its relationship with violence.

“We need to be able to have this conversation about race on many different levels simultaneously. We have to be able to talk to people who have a lower understanding of race at the same time we should be able to communicate to people who have a heightened [understanding],” Scott said.

The success of Black Lives/White Light provoked Lee to reach out to Scott and ask if he was interested in letting the conversation continue using TABLETRIBES, a digital platform that brings online conversations into the real world. Their goal is to globally scale empathy development by developing opportunities for users to exchange ideas and information in person.

The Radius Project hopes its efforts will get a better reception than Starbucks’f did. The coffee chain launched Race Together Initiative earlier this year to encourage customers to discuss racial matters, a move that was quickly written off as a marketing ploy and called off by the company.

“Starbucks’ intentions with [Race Together] around trying to start civic conversations felt like they were in the right place, but the execution wasn’t designed to facilitate deeper engagement in a way that was productive or appropriate. For us, it reaffirmed our approach and the need for what we’re building at TABLETRIBES,” Lee said.

TABLETRIBES is a social networking app that allows users interested in similar topics to connect with each other offline. People who RSVP for this month’s events will be helping the startup test the app, which is currently in beta. Lee said the app will help users find others in the room to discuss specific topics relevant to each evening’s civic-minded theme during the event itself.

“We’re gathering people because they want to talk these issues, but what we want to do with the app is allow these conversations to happen beyond the room itself,” she said.

Panels are scheduled for June 9, 16 and 23. Interested parties can RSVP here.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Arts – The Huffington Post
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No, Sony Isn’t Removing Beyonce’s Songs From Tidal

Don’t worry, Tidal subscribers: Queen Bey isn’t going anywhere.

On Thursday, a Bloomberg story critical of Jay Z’s Tidal reported that all of Beyonce’s discography might soon disappear from the audio streaming service. According to Bloomberg’s report, Sony and Warner had been asking for large sums of money in exchange for Tidal’s streaming rights to their artists’ songs. While Warner has reportedly reached an agreement with Tidal, things didn’t sound good for Bey or other Sony artists. One can only imagine the tension that might have caused in Beyonce and Jay Z’s marriage.

However, Sony Music CEO Doug Morris confirmed to Rolling Stone on Saturday that nothing of the sort is happening just yet.

All of our content, including Beyonce, is available through the Tidal service, and we have announced no plans to remove our catalog from Tidal,” Morris told Rolling Stone. “Like all of our other partners, we are rooting for Jay and Tidal to succeed.”

The removal of Beyonce’s catalog from the streaming service, which she co-owns with her husband and a number of other artists, wouldn’t have helped improve Tidal’s image in the media. The lossless audio service has repeatedly been skewered by critics and artists alike, prompting Jay Z to defend Tidal on Twitter. The rapper also threw shots at competitor Spotify, as well as YouTube and Apple, in a freestyle during a special Tidal show in New York earlier this month.

If Morris is right, then maybe we can still look forward to that rumored joint Beyonce and Jay Z album that will allegedly debut exclusively on Tidal.

For more, head to Rolling Stone.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Entertainment – The Huffington Post
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Why The Itsy Bitsy Bikini Trend Isn’t Going Anywhere Anytime Soon

Hawaii gets a lot of flak for being behind on trends, but when it comes to swimwear, the Aloha state is definitely ahead of the curve.

And we know something mainland beaches don’t: cheeky bikini bottoms are about to sweep the nation.

The Brazilian bikini bottom — the barely-there style of the ’80s — has been resurrected in new and more modest ways, and this time, bikini experts say, it’s here to stay.

“The [Brazilian bikini] trend is growing,” Debbie Wilson, owner and designer of Maui Girl Bikinis, told The Huffington Post. “I don’t see it losing popularity.”

everyone

You Can Thank/Blame Social Media

Wilson has been designing all types of bikinis for 30 years. When she first opened her boutique on Maui, Brazilian-cut and thong bikinis weren’t in much demand. Now, Wilson says, they make up 75 to 80 percent of her overall sales.

The resurgence has swept Hawaii over the past five years, and signs of it are just now beginning to pop up on the mainland. Victoria’s Secret, perhaps the most mainstream swimwear brand, has introduced an “Itsy” option as well as a “Cheeky” option, and San Lorenzo, the Hawaii-based boutique that specializes in the Brazilian-cut, has recently branched out with stores in Newport Beach and Malibu as well as a pop up shop in the Hamptons — the paragon of East Coast prep and propriety.

Those in the industry say the surge in popularity may be related to the rise of social media.

Sabra Krock, creative director for the swim boutique Everything But Water, told The Daily Beast that the recent “fitness craze” is to thank for the cheeky trend, “as well as the Instagram and selfie voyeurism that’s online,” she said.

“I definitely point to Instagram as a key reason for a desire to emulate celebrities,” she said.

A photo posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on



A photo posted by Kylizzle (@kyliejenner) on



Once You Try It…

The trend may have only recently reignited, but Mariella St. John, marketing director for San Lorenzo Bikinis, says that this style “is one that you can never go back on.”

Today’s line-up of Brazilian-cut bikinis offers more modest designs, making the style more accessible. While veterans and daredevils might still opt for super thin thongs or the showy v-line swimsuits of the late ’80s and ’90s, more modest options like cheeky boy shorts now exist.

These new designs, Wilson says, are “turning into g-strings again, but with more details, like a waistband, or shorts that still fit you in a way a [thong] would.”

Contrary to what you may think, Wilson explained, smaller bikini bottoms have a “slimming effect” on your rear end.

“Women are starting to realize that the [smaller cuts] are more flattering,” she said.



Finding Your Fit

When choosing the right cut, Emma Wo, fashion blogger at AlohaBabe.net and Miss Hawaii 2015, says “it’s important to find a style that works well with your body type. Brazilian-cut bikinis can seem daunting at first,” she told HuffPost, “but if you’ve got curves, full-coverage bikinis can actually make you look wider.”

“When customers, who have never worn our bikinis, come into the store, we tell them, ‘We’re going to convert you,'” St. John said. When her customers find the right fit of a cheeky bikini and then go back to a traditional cut, they often tell her that the regular bottoms feel like a “diaper.”

For comparison, here’s a traditional cut next to a Brazilian cut on the same model at a San Lorenzo boutique:

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If you’re shy about jumping in to a full Brazilian bikini, Naomi Newirth, co-designer of Acacia Swimwear, says to find somewhere in between and start there — “not full coverage and not a total Brazilian cut,” she told HuffPost, “no extra sag or fabric.”

Acacia Swimwear’s 2015 collection features cheeky bottoms that still maintain moderate coverage, like the ones featured below. Bikini model Chelsea Yamase also suggests Mikoh Bikinis, for a similar style.

If you’re still nervous about making the switch, bikini blogger Rebekah Steen of Gold Fish Kiss says, “Just give it a shot. At least once. Life’s short, try it out, and get some sun on your buns. You’ll be surprised how wearing just a little less fabric on your bum makes it look just that much better.”

Below, we’ve rounded up some of the best in-between cheeky bikinis so you can try the trend out for yourself.

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Style – The Huffington Post
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This Isn’t What It Looks Like: The Secret Series (Book 4)

This Isn’t What It Looks Like: The Secret Series (Book 4)


WARNING! Appearances can be deceptive. This book is NOT filled with ancient magic, mystical clairvoyants and the marvels of time travel. This is NOT a book detailing the latest top secret investigations of the Terces Society. You will NOT find stolen treasure, masked bandits and bloodthirsty knights between the pages of this book. But before you go, just remember one thing. This Isn’t What It Looks Like. The utterly gripping fourth fantastic book in the “Secret” series in which Cass’s mind has been transported back to medieval England after she dared to taste the Midnight Sun’s deadly chocolate. She must seek out her ancient ancestor and founder of the Terces Society, the jester, and help him escape the evil clutches of Lord Pharaoh, founder of the Midnight Sun. To Cass’s horror, when she wakes from her coma she has forgotten everything. But a school trip to a medieval fair stirs her memories and she is confronted with a menacing blast from her time-travelling past. “The crazy, upside-down, inside-out, mysterious, madcap and fun, fun, fun Pseudonymous Bosch is back with another extraordinary, out-of-this-world chapter in his seriously addictive children’s ‘Secret Series’. Bursting out all over with comic characters and intriguing adventures, this is. top-class entertainment for kids aged 10 and over, combining comical capers with old-fashioned mystery, sparkling adventure and lashings of Bosch’s zany humour.” – Lancashire Evening Post

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Angelina Jolie’s Biggest Moment Of 2014 Isn’t What You Thought It Was

One of the biggest moments in celebrity news this year was when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt quietly tied the knot in France in late August. But apparently, that’s not the first memory that came to Jolie’s mind when People asked her to reflect back on 2014:

“My son [Maddox] became a teenager,” the 39-year-old told People. “That was a marker in my year,” she said.

“More than anything, like any mom, I’m just happy the kids are healthy. I married their dad. My health is good,” the mother of six added.

Jolie made sure that their children played a major role in every step of their wedding ceremony. She walked the aisle with her eldest sons, Maddox, 13, and Pax, 11. Zahara, 9, and Vivienne, 6, threw flower petals, while Shiloh, 8, and Knox, 6, served as ring bearers. Jolie’s ivory satin Atelier Versace wedding dress was adorned with dozens of her children’s designs and drawings.

Though she got married, starred in “Maleficent” and directed the upcoming film “Unbroken,” Jolie’s biggest memories of this year will always involve her children. That’s one proud mama.

Read more in People magazine’s latest issue, on newsstands Friday.

angie

Weddings – The Huffington Post
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No, The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Isn’t Bad for Teen Girls

“Wait, you WATCH that?”

Last night was the 2014 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in London, where 47 models, including the famed Victoria’s Secret Angels, strutted the runway in a immense spread of fairytale undergarments. They’ve done it every year for nearly 20 years (I’ve been watching since I was 12), and every year, that runway goes right into a pile of people who don’t like it and don’t think I, a teenage girl, should either.

When I look at the Victoria’s Secret Angels, I see gorgeous, happy women, who work for a company that sticks with many of them for the long haul — a rarity in this industry. Sure, they’re thin, but they’re not fragile — they’re toned. I mean, legs like that don’t come from eating carrot sticks and water. They look like they really enjoy what they do. I mean, who wouldn’t? I’d like to try and frown when I’m strapped into that much sparkling wing acreage. Watching the show is a glimpse into their world. You get these little moments that are usually confined to the pages of a catalogue or a six-foot poster in your mall. Taylor Swift sings a song that perfectly describes your life in the background, and Hozier smizes at you (and everyone else watching, but it was a special moment). It’s a fun fantasy. That’s why it bothers me so much when people use it as a negative factor in the body image conversation, especially targeted at teenage girls.

I’m a 17-year-old girl. A lot of people would tell you that puts me in the prime “issues with her body” range. I shouldn’t be inspired by these charismatic and successful women and their amazing careers in an industry they love. Because I enjoy the show, I’m obviously some sort of bimbo who doesn’t understand that I’m being negatively influenced, and that everything they do is fake and that they’re just famous for looking good in underwear. I shouldn’t appreciate the hard work it takes to do what they do and attempt to emulate that work ethic. I most certainly should not feel serious confidence and girl power after watching them do their thing for an hour in beautiful underwear. I should probably be looking at them and comparing my ankles to theirs, and be trying to stretch my spine three inches, and destroying myself in a gym attempting to recreate their abs. I should feel incomplete, like I am not measuring up. My self-confidence should be shattered every time Karlie’s faces beams at me while I sit on my couch eating kettle corn. I shouldn’t feel content with my body and the way I am, because I don’t look like these Angels. Or at least, that’s what the media is telling me and other girls (and boys) my age and beyond. If they’re telling you that too, let me give you a piece of advice: ignore it. I say this thing a lot because it applies to a lot of things, including loving the Victoria’s Secret Angels: If you love it, own it. Taylor Swift agrees with me on this. (Probably.)


Entertainment – The Huffington Post
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The Ugly Girl Factor: And Why Being Pretty Isn’t Enough

The Ugly Girl Factor: And Why Being Pretty Isn’t Enough


The Ugly Girl Factor: And Why Being Pretty Isn’t Enough, is a non-fiction dating manual that will help women say goodbye to being stood up, used, dumped, and taken advantage of and start demanding the man of their dreams. The man who opens their door, pays on dates, calls when he says he will and shows up on time, every time. The man that will make them a priority in his life, not just an option. It will teach women how to be a “keeper” the RIGHT way, without sexy clothing and without 6 inch heels. The Ugly Girl Factor reveals secrets that so many men know and that so few women do. This 16 chapter book brings to light the ugly truth on how men pick their future wives and why so many women will never get to the alter with their current habits.

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Tom Cruise Isn’t Jumping On Couches Anymore, He’s Hanging Off Planes

In case you didn’t know: Tom Cruise does his own stunts.

And for his latest trick, the 52-year-old actor — wearing a tailored gray suit and dress shoes — clings to the fuselage of an Airbus A400M as it soars 5,000 feet in the air, according to The Daily Mail. Why did he do this, you may ask? Well, for his most recent turn as spy Ethan Hunt in “Mission: Impossible 5,” of course.

Granted Cruise was strapped in with two safety harnesses as he flew over rural British airspace, but, come on, who allowed one of world’s most beloved and revered actors to do this? (We’d like to check their heart rate.)

It’s nothing new for the action star, though: Cruise dangled 1,700 feet from the side of the world’s tallest building, Dubai’s Burj Khalifa, for 2011’s “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.”

“The reason that I do [the stunts] is, it’s a challenge, but it’s also a part of storytelling,” Cruise said during a press conference for “Ghost Protocol.” “It’s something that I do because I feel for the audience, that they’ll really enjoy it more if they see me doing it in the camera. And I think that it adds a wonderful element of storytelling and that’s really the reason why we push ourselves both in telling the story and in doing those things to make it as exciting for the audience as possible.”

To see photos of Tom Cruise hanging on for dear life, head over to Daily Mail.
Arts – The Huffington Post
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Sorry, Adele’s New Album Isn’t Coming Out This Year

In today’s bummer news, Adele will release an album this year. Rumors about new music have circulated for months, but the New York Times now reports that we shouldn’t expect a new album from her until at least next year.

According to a statement in her label’s, XL Recordings, financial report, “There will not be a further new release by Adele during 2014 and consequently there will be a fall in XL’s turnover and profits.” The report was filed on Thursday in Britain, where XL is headquartered. The report also noted that Adele’s back catalogue — namely her 2011 album “21,” which sold over 25 million copies — counted for a “significant proportion of the sales and profit” in 2013.

Adele fueled the rumor mill earlier this year when she tweeted a cryptic message in May: “Bye bye 25… See you again later in the year.” Many fans took this to mean that she would release new music by the end of 2014, but, alas, they were wrong. May we suggest soothing your weary hearts with Aretha Franklin’s new cover of “Rolling In The Deep”?

Arts – The Huffington Post
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‘Women In Comedy’ Director Heidi Ewing Discusses The ‘Pretty Isn’t Funny’ Stereotype

Women have always been funny, but it wasn’t until recently that society allowed them to look beautiful and make us laugh.

Filmmaker Heidi Ewing, who directed the documentary “MAKERS: Women in Comedy,” dropped by HuffPost Live on Tuesday to discuss her work on the history of funny females, and she spoke with host Caroline Modarressy-Tehrani about the long-held concern among women comics that an attractive appearance would make it harder to win over an audience.

Lucky for comedy lovers, that stereotype is quickly dissipating thanks to hilarious women like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and many more who aren’t afraid to rock a glamorous gown while they rattle off punchlines.

Watch Ewing discuss the “pretty isn’t funny” stereotype in the video above, and see the full HuffPost Live conversation here.

Sign up here for Live Today, HuffPost Live’s new morning email that will let you know the newsmakers, celebrities and politicians joining us that day and give you the best clips from the day before!
Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Ready to let go of “Let It Go” ? Disney isn’t. Mouse has five year plan for “Frozen” franchise

You’ve no doubt already heard about all of the box office records that Frozen has broken over the past eight months (With the most recent one being the 16 weeks that this Walt Disney Animation Studios production spent as the No. 1 film in Japan. Frozen sold over $ 240 million worth of tickets in that country before it was finally knocked out of the top spot. Ironically enough by another Disney movie, “Maleficent”). But were you aware of how well the Frozen soundtrack has been selling?

To date, an estimated 2.78 million units of the Frozen soundtrack have been sold. More to the point, this Walt Disney Records release has topped the Billboard 200 album chart 13 times since January.

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And since Disney executives dearly wants to keep this billion dollar franchise front-of-mind with consumers for years yet to come, they’ve now decided to use Frozen‘s songs as a way to keep the public excited about this property.

Don’t believe me? Then check out the all-new music video version of “Do You Want to Build A Snowman?” which debuted on the Disney Channel just last night. Twenty-six Disney stars came together last month to record an all-new arrangement of this Bobby Lopez / Kristen Anderson-Lopez song which Marco Marinangeli put together. All with the hope that this new music video would then help keep tweens excited about Frozen‘s tunes.

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Or — better yet — how about the “For the First Time In Forever: A Frozen Sing-Along Celebration” show. This live stage show is presented seven times daily at Disney’s Hollywood Studios as part of this theme park’s summer-long “Frozen Summer Fun” promotion. And given the hundreds of little kids & their parents who now stand in the blistering hot Central Florida sun for hours daily just to get the chance to sing along with Anna, Elsa & Kristoff inside the Premiere Theater, these songs still clearly have a powerful hold over a huge audience.

At least what’s the folks who run the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood are hoping. Given that they’ll be bringing the sing-along version of Disney Frozen back to this classic movie palace for two weeks starting on August 22nd.

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And on the consumer products side of the Mouse House, Disney believes that its Frozen karaoke album (which just debuted in Billboard’s top 20) will be a big seller. And starting in late August / early September, look for a brand-new wave of Frozen -themed merchandise to hit stores which will then attempt to capitalize on the continuing popularity of this film’s soundtrack.

These items include the Frozen Crystal Kingdom Vanity from JAKKS Pacific (which includes a musical feature where Anna & Elsa magically appear in this vanity’s mirror and then singing excerpts from this Academy Award-winning film’s score), a “Frozen Sing-Along Storybook” from Disney Publishing which includes a CD as well as the lyrics to this movie’s song, a Frozen Cool Tunes Sing-Along Boombox from Kid Design as well as a Frozen Sing & Swing Olaf plush from Just Play.

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And let’s not forget about Disney on Ice presents Frozen, the music-filled arena show that will be premiering at Orlando’s Amway Center on September 4th before Feld Entertainment then sends it off on a year-old Northern American tour. Not to mention the stage version of Frozen which Bobby & Kristen are reportedly already prepping for Disney Theatrical to produce in the not-so-distant future. And then there’s the Frozen ride that the Imagineers are reportedly prepping as a replacement for Epcot’s Maelstrom attraction.

And all of this is being done because Disney CEO Bob Iger — during a recent quarterly earnings conference call — identified Frozen as one of the Company’s top five franchises. “So you can expect us to take full advantage of that over the next at least five years,” Iger told investment analysts.

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So while you personally may be ready to let go of Let It Go, The Walt Disney Company certainly isn’t. So you should probably look for the Mouse to seek out all sorts of new ways (EX: Next summer’s “In Summer” promotion. Given that Olaf has now been identified as Frozen‘s break-out character, look for all sorts of snowman-themed beachware to show up on store shelves for Spring of 2015) to extend Frozen‘s current hot streak.
Entertainment – The Huffington Post
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Candace Isn’t Through with Jim – The Haves and the Have Nots – OWN

Tune in Tuesday, July 1 at 9/8c.
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In his plot to eliminate his blackmailing former mistress, Jim spares Candace’s life, but takes everything she owns. Without a penny to her name, Candace turns to her old friend and gangster War for a bailout—and some muscle. Watch as Candace uses her powers of persuasion to recruit War and his crew to her revenge campaign against Jim.

For more the Haves and Have Nots, visit http://www.oprah.com/HavesandHaveNots

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Seth Rogen Says Performing At Kanye West’s Wedding Isn’t The Best Idea

Last week we learned that Kanye West asked Seth Rogen and James Franco to perform their parody of his song “Bound 2” the night before the rapper weds Kim Kardashian. The performance isn’t actually happening, because, well it would just be kind of awkward for everyone involved.

“Me and Franco got a call, [West] said he was thinking it might be funny if he performed it at the wedding and we came out on a motorcycle. And we were like, ‘And then what do we do?’ And then we were all like, ‘I don’t know,'” Rogen told Ellen DeGeneres during an appearance on “The Ellen Show” on Thursday, May 1.

“That’s probably not going to be very funny then,” Rogen said they decided, adding that West realized he would just be rapping with Rogen and Franco for five minutes.

The 32-year-old, who stars in the upcoming movie “Neighbors,” was relieved they all arrived at the same conclusion, but added if West really wanted him at his wedding, there would be no hesitation.

“I would be there naked, with a shirt off, however he wanted me, on a motorcycle, doing whatever he needed,” Rogen said DeGeneres. “Because I’m a fan. That’s just as a fan.”

Style – The Huffington Post
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‘Supernatural’: Sam And Dean Are Born-Again Virgins, But Dean Isn’t Very Good At It

While investigating a case on “Supernatural,” Sam and Dean signed a pledge to reclaim their virginity. They were doing it in an attempt to infiltrate a prayer group of other “virgins.” Several members had recently gone missing and the boys were looking for clues within the group. But at their first meeting, they were asked what made them want to be born-again virgins.

Sam gave a fairly straightforward answer, but Dean is too sexually charged. He couldn’t help but admit how great sex felt, and when he started talking about it in more intimate detail, the other women in the group started getting all hot and bothered. Sam had to rein in his brother before the meeting got completely derailed.

Dean’s story must have worked some magic, though. It wasn’t an hour later that he was bedding the teacher — a reformed porn star — and becoming victim to the Roman goddess Vesta along the way. At least this allowed Sam and Jody Mills to come to their rescue and take down the goddess.

The sexually charged “Supernatural” airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. EST on The CW.
Comedy – The Huffington Post
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Young Singles, Seth Adam Smith’s Marriage Advice Isn’t for You

Dear nieces and nephews (biological and metaphorical),

There’s a marriage advice post spreading across the Internet like low-fat mayo over Wonder Bread. It’s called “Marriage Isn’t for You,” and it’s full of sweet-sounding ideas handed out by Seth Adam Smith, a guy who resembles the male half of the the straight couple that tops every wedding cake. In addition to being handsome, Smith has an inspiring and sad story, so we find ourselves nodding and sharing before we realize what he’s really saying.

You’ll probably run across his post at some point, and it will probably make an impression, since you are “at that age” and some of you are dating, but I want you to take a closer look and really give some thought to the ideas he feels entitled to share as gospel after a year and a half of marriage.

Marry your best friend: Good advice if you can swing it, and advice that I’d love to see you follow. Of course, my best friend and I are both male. In fact, many people find that their best friend shares their gender. Alas, in 36 states marriage is indeed not for us, often thanks to the intervention of Smith’s church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But that probably doesn’t bother Smith, since he thinks that…

Marriage is for your future children: Your great-uncles are too old to have kids, but some of them have recently married. You have cousins who can’t have children, but they got married. One day my partner and I will get married. Do our marriages still count if they’re not about children? They certainly do. You can have a wonderful marriage without having babies. So if you do decide to have children, let it be your choice. Don’t let family or friends or anyone tell you that your marriage is less than theirs if it doesn’t produce babies.

Marriage is for the other person’s happiness: If you love someone, you want them to be happy. And it’s very nice to think that you can make another person happy, but it’s also very arrogant. What really makes a person happy? Lots of things: family, friends, hobbies, work, and more. It will be your job to add to their lives and help them be even happier. The way to do that is to be happy yourself, with hobbies, friends, and work of your own. And when those things aren’t going so well in your lives, you can each help the other through the bad times. Together, two happy people can create an even happier couple, but if you make someone else’s happiness your mission in life, you give them the power to make your life a failure. Which brings me to the last point he makes:

A woman’s selfless love cures everything (but a man’s love can come and go): Smith went through a time when he was being very selfish, and his wife forgave him. That’s great for him, but I want you, especially my nieces, to know that you are under no obligation to be the saint in your relationship. If a relationship depends completely on one partner doing all of the forgiving, all of the loving, all of the sacrificing, then it is not a fair relationship, and you deserve a fair relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you that real men misbehave and real women forgive. Find someone who is prepared to be just as loving and devoted as you are.

See, “marriage is for others” is exactly what women have been told for centuries, and it’s done a lot of harm. “Marriage is for the family” kept women ashamed of their marriage problems and too scared to divorce their husbands. “Marriage is for children” has kept multitudes of women locked in abusive marriages “until the kids are grown.”

Cody and I have been together for almost 20 years now, without state sanction, families pushing us together, or children at our feet. Maybe we’ve managed this long because we didn’t have the “benefit” of very much family advice, so we remain reluctant to give much advice ourselves.

But you know what? Since we were never allowed to be the idealized couple atop the wedding cake, we’ve had to find our own way, and we’ve learned an awful lot. We have advice for what to do when marriage isn’t an option, when kids aren’t in the future, when bromides about selflessness give way to realities about careers, priorities, health, and aging. I may not always put that advice on the Internet, but it will always be here for you. And even if we’re not the first people you think of, I hope you come to us before you put much stock in some of the popular advice floating around out there.

Love,
Uncle Wayne
Weddings – The Huffington Post
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